Step 6: Develop Self-Compassion
Self-compassion: the ability to treat oneself kindly in the face of rejection, defeat and other negative events.
Listen to this short, 6-minute audio
from RedpoleQ on keeping your head straight
so you can get the women you want.
In learning to be better with women, whether that means in the initial phases, or later on, into the relationship, you’re going to make mistakes. I make mistakes. I’ve made many mistakes in fact.
Rejection happens. Failure happens.
When I was developing my “game” I didn’t have a coach. Rejection happened A LOT over many years. For you, even with top quality coaching, developing skills takes time. And in that time you too will experience rejection and fail over and over and over again.
What makes the great, great is their ability to keep themselves going in the face of failure and rejection.
All of us have a voice in our head. Actually, we have many. But somehow the critic is often the loudest. The critic has the sharpest claws and can really dig into our psyche.
Remember the critic is NOT your friend. It is there to help you. Or rather to help PROTECT you. It’s primary objective is to protect you from doing something that could get you killed.
That means that it’s designed to keep you away form anything that causes you anxiety, fear, or rejection. Interestingly, the rejection response actually triggers the the same area of the brain where you process physical pain. Ouch!
Saying rejection hurts is no joke. It’s a physical reality.
So how does self-compassion handle the critic who’s trying to protect us?
It’s the other voice.
So while the critic is telling you you’ve done enough—time to throw in the towel and go home with your tail between your legs—self-compassion is our friendly cheer leader.
Maybe you’ve wanted to approach a girl and you’ve had thoughts like:
I’m too fat
I’m not cool enough
I’m too short(that’s a personal favorite of my critic)
I’m not rich enough
That girl is TOO GOOD for me
Why in the world would I be thinking things like this. I WANT THE GIRL!
Do you ever think…am I good enough for that steak. No, of course not. You want it, you deserve it. It’s different with so many other areas of our life. Hmmm…
I bet friends have come to you needing a shoulder to cry on. What kinds of things do you say to them? Yeah…that girl is too good for you man, give it up?
NOOOOOOO!
You tell him that the girl doesn’t know what she’s missing out on. That she’s an idiot. When we talk to ourselves, we’re the idiot. But when we talk to our friends, she’s the idiot. How interesting.
Well not anymore. Now that you know the power of self-compassion.
You approach a woman and she ignores you.
You get her her number but she won’t answer the phone.
She flakes on your date.
She dumps you 4 months later.
Give yourself a break. It’s all feedback. Just because you couldn’t bench press 150lbs. today doesn’t mean you won’t be able to tomorrow, or next week or next month.
You can’t lift it. It’s feedback.
Don’t take it from me. Take it from someone who knows REAL success.
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
-Michael Jordan
Self-compassion is super important to develop and will allow you to progress further and faster; however, you’ll need one other form of compassion to really make your pickup cart go and that is…
