FR: Insta Date with Super Hottie

[New York]

Mixed feelings about this sarge, on the day of mid autumn festival. Before beginning to write I think I already know I should not have ejected when I did. And that's probably the hardest part . . . regret and also thinking how hard this is.

 

I think Kane might have some good ideas on how I should have used frames here. I realize now that I let her subtle frame - maybe that she wanted to be alone and I should go - win.

 

I met this girl at the crosswalk going into the village. I noticed her great legs - thin and nicely shaped, they started with a pair of brown leather ankle high heeled mini boots and ended in a tight pair of jean shorts. Up top was a knit sweater just enough to hint at a great pair. And when I turned her around, she had the cute/sexy face of an angel. She was all good, everywhere.

 

In short, it was love. But not for long . . .

 

I think my opener was something like, "Hey, uh, you're pretty cute." And then names and then, as we finally get across the street I tell her to stop and we chat for a while.

 

Blah Blah. She says she was planning to go get some coffee, and I suggest we head to Starbucks. Ok . . .

 

During the 200 yard walk to Starbucks I start to feel as if I've already lost a little control. She is walking maybe a step faster than I am, there's no kino and it's a little apparent we're not 'together.' In the store the same thing as we buy our coffees . . . though she lets me pay.

 

We make our way upstairs and find two open seats and I lead her to sit down. In less than a minute, two seats nearby and next to the window open up. She says, let's sit there.

 

Knowing Chinese crowds, I bolt up and move into the seats. I smile and sit down, motioning for her to come over. She's smirking. I feel kind of like a tool, and perhaps that I've lost a little control. It didn't help that the seats were across from each other and . . . no touching would be involved.

 

She wouldn't tell me what she did for a living (I still ask sometimes now in qualification, where it should be). She said instead that it had to do with design. Later I would discover she's basically an ernai, a 'second tit' - mistress to a wealthy dude.

 

She also wouldn't tell me what her plans were that afternoon. I asked if she planned to meet friends and how long she planned to stay in the village. No real direct answer.

 

More importantly, at this point we started this dynamic whereby I would ask her a question and she would respond politely enough to keep the conversation going but not enough to actually be investing.

 

I fell out of love quickly, and started instead to think of ways that would make her fall in love.

 

She told me she had just gone to the Lama Temple to burn incense. So I learned that she's in a weird mood. It's mid autumn festival, she went to temple alone and had a spiritual experience and now is in Starbucks talking to a stranger.

 

Have you ever had a boyfriend? I ask. Of course. What about now? Well . . .

 

She asks if I'm married, and I said no. Did I have a sister? Yes. Is she married?

 

Aha! An opportunity to tell her a story about love. I told her about my sis and her hubby, how they met in college and dated four years, then got married right after graduating. Then about how my parents met in Paris . . .

 

Then the big long story about my grandma finding her high school sweetheart after sixty five years and finally marrying him at the age of 83.

 

None of this inspired her to really think about love, apparently. She was, now, though ready to tell me about her 'boyfriend' situation. He's 37. I guess: he's married. You're right she says.

 

Hmm . . .

 

Then she says: He's really manly. A manly man.

 

I can't help thinking she's trying to say something more about me than him. I'm falling more out of love, and feel this is not fun.

 

More attraction! I throw her a story about my motorcycle (now gone) that always gets a few laughs. She laughs. But nothing serious.

 

Bounce! I tell her it's time to get out of her. That she needs some excitement. Let's go for a walk, maybe buy DVDs together.

 

No, you can go.

 

Shit! Come on, let's go.

 

No.

 

So at this point I didn't really know what to do. There may have been another five minutes in there that were so so but all in all it was lame.

 

Then she told me her friend was on the way. Girl or guy? Girl.

 

Cool, I'll stick around and we can hang out. No, better if we are by ourselves. We have something to discuss.

 

So at this point I was demoralized. I basically got her wechat, sent her an invite, did and awkward kiss on her cheek, and left. She never accepted my wechat invite.

 

I felt as though I had just experienced a 45 minute slow motion train wreck, but also kind of stoked about spending that time on an insta date with such a hot girl.

 

I spent the next hour in a funk, not opening sets and generally being unhappy.

 

What I did well:

1. Found and opened a girl that I was super attracted to

2. Thinking on my feet - willingness to go for an insta date

3. Non-needy attitude. I didn't feel needy or pressured

4. Continued to push in a set, when I may have been tempted to wechat close quickly and get out of there in the past.

 

 

Things I did poorly:

1. No kino

2. No controlling her walking, as in on the way to Starbucks should have been more in command

3. Lacking Bt spikes and fun in general - I was in a really mellow mood and so was she, after burning incense. So it was 'cool' but very little 'pop' . . . and I should have changed that.

4. Terrible qualification. She was in a 'I just went to temple and burned incense' sort of mood, like she was almost in this state above needing any sort of qualification, and I picked up on that. I also had trouble finding anything really interesting about her . . .

5. Giving up. I should have stayed in the set when her friend came. That's all there is to it.