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BOOK Limerence by Dorothy Tennov

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This is a very interesting book that seducers out there can pick up and read in a night or two. This isn't heavy theoretic reading material; the book is mostly filled with anecdotes to demonstrate the theory of "Limerence".

 

First things first; what is Limerence? Simply put, limerence is the "feeling of falling in love" or "having a crush" on somebody. It is a specific form of love, different from more mellow forms of love (亲情)such as between an older man and women. This type of love is the type that is most relished by song writers, the feeling of being "madly" in love. In short, is a form of obsession that everyone thinks of when they hear about someone that is "head over heels" in love. To explore this specific form of love, Tennov made a questionaire and survayed a large amount of people who tested to be "limerent" (according to Tennov's definition). The stories and anecdotes or these limerent people fill most of the book.

 

Dorothy Tennov's thesis is that this specific form of the most intense love evolved for specific purposes and is controlled by specific and possibly isolatable mechanisms. The basic properties of limerence (this is a term that she coins for the type of love which doesn't yet have a moniker) are these;

 

Intense obssesive, obtrusive thinking about the limerent target

I feeling of hopelessness when confronted with disinterest from the target

An intense longing of "union" with the target.

Most be sexually attracted to the target, but sex IS NOT THE GOAL OF LIMERENCE

 

This last point is one of the most key in the book. SEX is not the end goal of these type of love, it is rather, UNION. Tennov states that in order for someone to become a limerent target, they must be able to evoke sexual attraction. Obviously, the limerent (person) wants to have sex with the target, but this sex is just a tool to become ONE with the target, and not an act of desire in itself.

 

Another main point she makes about limerence is that it is a combination of fear and desire (for union) that produces a very potent mix of hope and dispair. Stories are abound with people swinging from the extremes of hope and dispair, from jubilence to suicidal, in movies, books, music, etc. Tennov claims that these is a classic trait of limerence, and that the key to maintain limerence is to provide the proper mix of HOPE and DISPAIR (pain, pleasure, interest, disinterest, etc ,etc). We as seducers or seducers in training all know this as one of the basic properties of seduction, and it is no surprise that Tennov mentions it in Limerence.

 

Jealousy has a big role in the book and her theory. In the stories given by the limerent subjects, jealousy or the availability of other potential mates appeaes to be a huge factor in activating limerence in the subject. This is obviously something that we can take note of.

 

In short, this is a very interesting but not essential side read to any seducer's library.

Edited by L.O.G.O.S.

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interesting....

I ma also reading the AOS

 

Any other books you can suggest about seducing?

 

Brizzo

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AOS is the absolute bible of seduction. It is a tome, and there is enough in that book for a life-time of study and application. I plan to re-read it soon!

 

Besides the classics like Mystery Method, etc, for some good, short, side-reads, I suggest

 

  • The Psychology of Influence by Robert Cialdini
    Essentials of Hypnosis by Yapko,
    Evolution of Desire by Buss

 

The book about influence details lots of sales techniques that can be used to influence people (seduction is a kind of sale). Hypnosis is very deep stuff, but mastering it will get you to understand why stuff like strawberry fields works, and make you more concious of how the way you speak influences others. I am still working on it, but I think that mastering this stuff would bring a pretty scary amount of power to the seducer (use wisely). Evolution of desire is about the scientific side of things and is similar in line of thought to sperm wars. Its a good side read but not necessary.

 

Of course, as mystery said "the field is the greatest teacher". 8)

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