From the Hub to ID Café: Hit a snag and got stuck

[Shadow]

Time for anothing FR. Went into town today in the evening. Stumbling upon a festival that was taking place, I enjoyed some traditional drum and dance performances. After that, I went to the Hub. There, I met a guy I had chatted with before. He had a Japanese girl on an instant date with him, so no competition risk for the time being. I noticed a Japanese girl that stood out somewhat. A lone wolf, slender, but with curves in the right places, short haired, hot, looking different from average Jgirls. Totally my type as far as aesthetics are concerned. I saw her reject the approach of a Jguy and decided to give it a try myself. Asking her if she's Japanese, I initiated a conversation and she was quite receptive to it. After a few sentences, I led her to the table where the guy with his girl were sitting and we sat down. Effortlessly applied kino, she was ok with that too. Our legs touched all the time as we were sitting next to each other, I looked at her hands and examined the lines on her palms. Mentioned fortune telling and the like. Made a cold reading just for fun. Also made some jokes. She enjoyed the conversation as did I. Used triangular gazing and smiling. Found out that she wants to live in America or possibly Europe. She likes Germans and she doesn't like Japan, since it's too strict and conservative for her. I qualified her on the fact that she was different from traditional girls, more outspoken, freedom-loving. Told her of a few places I've been to, places I may show her someday. While we talked, I kept touching her lower back and her hands now and then. She asked me among other things where I live and what my plans are for tomorrow. I inquired as well. It turned out that we both don't have anything special planned for the coming day, and that we're both living in Nagoya, not too far from the centre. At this time, I was thinking of a SNL or a D2, possibly tomorrow.

As luck would have it, I hit a snag of course, and everything unraveled just as fast as it had built up to something promising before.

We both didn't want to stay at the Hub for long, but she wanted to go to a club. Knowing that it would be a bad idea to go there with her, I suggested another bar. However, she preferred to go clubbing, saying that she'd really like to go to ID Café and dance, as she hadn't done so in a long time. So, I decided to get her contact info and split for the evening. She said she didn't have LINE, and since I use only Internet on my phone, getting her phone number wouldn't be of much use. She wasn't sure if she was going to return to the Hub if she left now and didn't know for sure what to do. Sadly, I didn't know either, figuring that trying to bounce her to my place or a hotel wouldn't work at this stage. After a few minutes of hesitation, she set out for the ID Café and I went with her. At the entrance however, it turned out that men and women had to pay 3000 Yen at that hour, which she didn't know. Apparently, she hoped/believed that she could get in cheaply via her entrance pass, but that didn't work. Not having the money, she decided not to go inside. I had paid for myself, however, so that was that. She said she'd come another time and we split up at the entrance. I decided not to go after her, because it would have seemed needy. Plus, I had no idea where to go next.

Not wanting to waste the entrance fee, I used all drink tickets and chatted up a few sets. It went like last time, so no reason to get into details here, because they were just practice approaches. On one occasion, a cute girl was more interested in conversation. She had a female companion and a Jguy who was working his magic on them, or trying at least. He was friendly and told me that there were lots of girls in another part of the room. I knew that he wanted me gone from that particular girl, but I wasn't particularly interested anyway, so I left. I'm more used to approaching in a club now, but I'm still a drifter and while I can project my voice better, the noise levels are still too high for me. Not a good venue for me.

Half an hour before closing time, I returned to the Hub, but the hot girl and my acquaintance with his instant date were not there. I had an idea regarding the girl's next destination, but I didn't want to spend more money on another club, so I left and returned home. Passing two chatting girls on the way to my bike, I noticed one eyeing me for a second, but my motivation was gone, so I didn't care.

 

Pros:

Approached the girl

Used kino

Qualification

Humour

Some interesting travel conversation about places I had seen, mention that I may show her some places someday

Triangular gazing, smiling

Decided to let her go rather that pay her entrance fee. I don't want to become a provider.

 

Cons:

No D2 arrangement

Failed to get contact info

No idea where to bounce

 

Questions:

Should I have asked for other means of communication immediately after inquiring about LINE, or should I have gone again for the info exchange a bit later on?

D2 or bounce, which would have been better? And where to bounce?

How could I have steered her to another place than a club?

Is it possible to game without investing hope and emotions into it? I have the vague suspicion that looking forward to something and getting emotional makes me set myself up for failure, by reducing my efficiency.

 

Lesson learned: Lead more and don't rely on a woman's words and current disposition. She'll change at the drop of a hat, which makes her as reliable as a politician's promises on election day. Maybe it would have been better to use lies and subterfuge to get her to agree to another location. While some progress has been made, this feels a bit like a tease. In that regard, it would have been less frustrating to ingest a fistful of ashes. At least I won't get to see her again, because I really don't need more vexation.

 

Now let's analyse this experiment and its results.

[Guest]

When you were both talking about your lack of plans the next day you should have made plans related to one of the seeds you had already hopefully given her. If she didn't have LINE you should have asked if she used a different messaging app. If she doesn't use messaging apps then you should have gotten her email. You also could have had her give you her phone and then download and create a LINE account for her right then.

 

But, if you had set a location, date, and time for the D2 it wouldn't matter if you had her contact info because you would still be able to meet.

 

And even if you wanted to try a SNL then you should still set a D2 because you want it set before you try to do anything sexual with her.

 

I wouldn't have gone to the club with her. I would have suggested another cool bar in the area that you could go to and sale her on how great it is and how you want to talk to her more. And if she said no then just meet her on the D2.

 

You ask: "D2 or bounce? Which would have been better?" Why not do both?

 

It also sounds like you need to take some time creating a list of good places to go in your city. Places that are related to your seeds and in locations that will make it easy for you to bounce them to your house or a sex prep location and sex location. Can you walk to your home from the city or do you have to take the train? If you knew your city better you wouldn't have had a problem deciding where to go.

 

I don't think it's possible to game without investing hope or emotions into it. But, I think that having more options gives you a better mindset.

[Relentless]

The above post was made by me but for some reason it was posted as "guest"

[Shadow]

Thank you for the post. Need more persistence with the PIE. Good point. As far as setting up a date for D2 without info, I wouldn't be so sure. After arriving in japan, I chatted up two girls in a bar. It went well, I talked more to one of them on LINE and we set up a date. Then, she cancelled it one day before the event. Pinged her a few times, but no response since. So I wouldn't rely on being able to meet just because an appointment is in place.

To me, seeing is believing in this case.

 

Good point about bouncing AND D2. Also, I agree about the club issue. When I mentioned a bar, she just said she didn't want to. Guess I should have been more descriptive about it, to get her interest.

 

I'm not far from the centre of Nagoya, but it still takes me about 40 min by bicycle to get there. At least I can move around the city by bike, so I use the train only on dates or under specific circumstances, like bad weather or being in a hurry.

 

Should I just pursue a thread casually disregarding objections, as if I was talking to a child? The only other option I see is blatant lying and embellishing facts. Just being honest and warm makes me feel inadequate. No idea how you guys are doing it, but when I let emotions have their word, I start losing control and see more questions and problems pop up. In the end, it's like being swept away by a wave without knowing how to handle it

Not being able to trust my instincts and intuition is a bit of a problem for me, since I have to rely exclusively on knowledge and I don't have all the pieces. Hence, the question. Thinking of Keanu Reeves shambling through certain roles of his, like in Bram Stoker's Dracula inspired me to ask, hahaha.

 

What annoyed me was the fact that she had a certain look that set her apart and who knows how long I have to search to find someone like that again. Regarding this as an experiment and detaching myself from it in the aftermath allowed me to regain control over the situation and avoid an accumulation of negative feelings.

 

Note: I am going to research the city more. I do know some places, but I am also doing my best to save money and avoid expensive dates...

[Relentless]

I'm not far from the centre of Nagoya, but it still takes me about 40 min by bicycle to get there. At least I can move around the city by bike, so I use the train only on dates or under specific circumstances, like bad weather or being in a hurry.

 

Are there any cool places to go that are near your house? In my experience, I find that if you don't have a reason for riding the train with a girl besides going to your house it can cause ASD. If their are places within 5 minutes walk from your house they would be best for a D2 and getting her back to your house.

 

Should I just pursue a thread casually disregarding objections, as if I was talking to a child? The only other option I see is blatant lying and embellishing facts. Just being honest and warm makes me feel inadequate. No idea how you guys are doing it, but when I let emotions have their word, I start losing control and see more questions and problems pop up. In the end, it's like being swept away by a wave without knowing how to handle it

Not being able to trust my instincts and intuition is a bit of a problem for me, since I have to rely exclusively on knowledge and I don't have all the pieces. Hence, the question. Thinking of Keanu Reeves shambling through certain roles of his, like in Bram Stoker's Dracula inspired me to ask, hahaha.

 

I am confused by what you are talking about here. Is this related to whether you can avoid emotional attachment? I think that having emotions is not the problem. I think the problem is how able you are to control them and how they are presented and framed to the woman. How are your emotions ruining things for you?

 

 

What annoyed me was the fact that she had a certain look that set her apart and who knows how long I have to search to find someone like that again. Regarding this as an experiment and detaching myself from it in the aftermath allowed me to regain control over the situation and avoid an accumulation of negative feelings.

 

Yeah all of us have messed it up with a great woman at sometime. Just keep approaching often and you'll find another person like her and now you'll have the experience to not make the same mistakes.

 

I often use google maps to help me find new places. And the best way to save money on expensive dates is knowing your city better because then you know which places to avoid.

[Relentless]

Also, check out this thread about becoming emotionally attached to a woman: http://www.asiadatingexperts.com/reloaded/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=1376

[Shadow]

There's a mall near my house with various shops, restaurants, buffets. Also, there are a few restaurants and shops nearby. It's a good place for eating outside and taking a walk through the calmer part of town. Other than that, it's rather residential.

The more interesting venues are a bit further away.

 

I was thinking of keeping emotions under control the same way I would control the flow of water via a faucet. You see, I enjoy interacting with girls, I love them. But, as an interaction progresses well, expectations start creeping in. Hope for sex or a connection or a relationship or whatever. When it all falls apart like a house of cards, I can take the hit, and as long as I remain cool, I can manage the situation, improvise if need be, just enjoy the ride. When emotions start playing a role however, they cloud my logical mind and when a problem appears, chances increase that I mess it up, because of anxiety, cluelessness or whatever at that particular moment. I don't like being too emotional, it makes me feel like I'm losing control. Also, keeping control over emotions is a very good means of protecting myself. That way, I become impervious to stuff that would hurt otherwise. Furthermore, I prefer to invest emotions into someone who has earned that privilege. Also, doing things by instinct alone doesn't work that well for me. My gut tells me to rely on my knowledge. So much for intuition. Last but not least, girls are mercurial by nature. How can I trust then them? Offering them my heart would be like running into a knife in that case. I almost feel farther from any erotic encounter than on the day I went off to the bootcamp. So many technicalities... Only maintaining a cool head gets me through this. Else, I would have caved in to despair already.

 

In the end, even though I play it as a game, it also feels a bit like being a drummer marching off to war. Being emotional has never gotten me any girls in the past. Only learning about seduction, practice, discipline have showed any results. Raw passion may be a Latino's way, but not mine, sadly.

 

Note: I can live without relationships and the like. I don't pursue girls out of neediness. However, I can't have a sex life, pleasure, passion, intense encounters, unless I seduce them. I can get them, but I have to fight my way through, because they won't come to me. And a victory would boost morale...

[Shadow]

By the way, I already put the girl from yesterday behind me. Went out again and met a guy who introduced me to two Korean girls (he's going after one of them). We went to a bar and had a fun time together. Got the contact info of the man and the Korean girl I interacted with. Will message her later and try to get her on a date. No expectations whatsoever. That way, pain shall be avoided. It's just a game and nothing else.