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David De Angelo - Sexual Communication - Listening Notes

French Ben

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These mp3s had been sitting on my computer since 2004 ! Finally listened to all of them tonight :D

David De Angelo seems to take 40 minutes before sticking his schmutz into a woman. I think he's a bit overselling his ideas lol.

The cocky and funny attitude seems to be not very appropriate for Asia too. But overall good summary of lots of things we already knew.

Interesting that he never mentions comfort, vulnerability, hero story, multiple bounces, etc.  But this stuff was written nearly 20 years ago for women in the early 2000s. Funny how he even mentioned AOL :D



David De Angelo – Sexual Communication 

Let her readjust her body towards you, not the opposite 

Look at her in a very sexual way – when she asks “what are you doing?”, answer “Hold on, I’m not finished” 

When dancing, leave her and grab another girl to dance with as soon as the music finishes. 

After 5 minutes, ask them if they are bisexual. 

When she asks what you think about her clothes, ask her “you got anything else?” 

When you walk into a bar, walk to each girl in the bar and introduce yourself. 


Sexual Communication is a language you should speak at once when meeting her. 

The Elusive Obvious: we get into negative patterns by now knowing how to use your bodies. Seek for the elusive obvious: the reactions that girls give you. Attraction is not a choice.  

Affection is not attraction. 

The sexual parts of each other can communicate to each other directly and you can trigger her attraction mechanisms very fast with only communication skills. 

Being funny and rude or going away can get a positive response. 

There are 4 steps in sexual communication: 

  1. Spark the attraction or chemistry 

  1. Building sexual tension 

  1. Cocky and funny 

  1. Amplifying the attraction 

  1. Retreating, 2 steps forward 1 step back, creating anticipation, doing unpredictable things so she doesn’t know what is going to happen 

  1. Physically advancing 

  1. Hold her hand, kiss her 

Sperm has a war inside the womb. 8-10% of us have fathers who aren’t our fathers. 20% of DNA tests come back negative.  

Monkeys know when the female is ovulating but for humans it is hidden. A woman’s sexual desire peaks on the day of ovulation when they are the most fertile. Women tend to time sex with an affair on the day of an ovulation (study on 1,100 people) whereas sex with the partner is not on ovulation. 

For peacocks, their evolution to become sexually desirable has become dangerous for them. Large feathers with eyes on them make them vulnerable to predators. This is called a runaway process. Some species have grown antlers so big that the species died out because they couldn’t feed themselves. The runaway process has killed off species because females wanted bigger and bigger antlers. 

For humans, it’s breasts, buttocks, symmetry, lack of parasites, posture, shiny skin, hip-to-waist ratio. Our sexual orientation has become inside, it is displayed through intelligence, arts and music. A bower bird will work 24-7 to build a huge nest and paint the insides to find female. The female will look at the nest and choose whether it is will decorated. 

Some guys have learned to display this inner sexual orientation. Fish and butterfly have never learned how to mate but they know how to do it- we are actually the same. You already have the muscles. 

Sexual tension 

Women have a wider range of emotions and are better at giving and receiving subtle cues. 

Sexual tension is emphasized by EC, teasing, playing hard-to-get, humor, games. 

Limiting-belief exercise: 

  1. List 10 beliefs you have about your ability to attract women sexually (positive or negative) 

  1. Write down where you think these beliefs came from 

  1. Take the negative ones, take a situation where each one of them didn’t hold true. The goal is to doubt your own negative beliefs 

  1. List the beliefs you would like to replace your limiting beliefs with 

  1. Write affirmations in the present tense and positive. “I feel secure now” 

  1. Write them every day for 30 days. Imagine the kind of success that flows from each belief more and more. 

  1. Buy Body Language by Julius Fast, chapter 7 (The silent language of love) 


Rules of conduct, attitudes, rules of thumb, tests 

Have you had a woman ever challenge you? Have you done something to appease her, or pursued her and have her choose another one for a jerk? 

Women are programmed to be attracted to masculine guys, to leaders- he doesn’t look for approval, lives in his own world, doesn’t let outside events take him off track. 

A leader has overconfidence that is charming and funny. He is not ass-kissing or approval-seeking wussies. “You’re cocky, you are arrogant” are good things to hear. You can answer “Thank you for noticing” 

Do not look for her approval - “I don’t like that shirt” -> “Well, I like it”, or “I will trade you” or “Take it off me” 

The leader faces his insecurities and is dominant. Dominance means being in control of other people, of telling other people what to do. The leader acts like he is always in control of the situation. A leader is selfish – you can be both selfish and generous. Selfish means you demand and expect the best for yourself. I am going to do something I enjoy. Be composed, always keep your cool. 

Don’t apologize for your desires, for what you do or say. 

Be picky and selective and communicating you are picky. Mention things you don’t like. Order the food the way you want. Speak about the things you do not want in your life. 

Be judgemental. The more judgmental shows you are the ultimate authority- say it intelligently, say where people make mistakes.  

Do not accept second-class behavior or treatment from others. “I don’t accept second-class behavior from someone. If you want to treat me in a second-class manner, you have to go” 

Being territorial: talk about how you don’t invite anyone in your house. Talk about how your house is a place of good energy. Sit at a bigger table, spread out. 

Kiss her and stop. Show you are in control of your sex drive. 

Living in your own reality. Others are guests in your reality. Your posture, gesture and EC can show that. Lift your chest, pull your shoulders back, use slow gestures, breathe slowly, move slowly. And have strong eye contact 



They flake, cancel plans, challenge you in front of other people, play games, hinting she wants things, getting upset and dramatic and see if you will put up with it. 

They do it to quickly figure out what they are dealing with. They prefer strong men. They need to see your strengths and weaknesses. 


Rules of thumb 

Many guys who just want to “be themselves” as a codeword for being manupulative, ass-kissing wussies, which is not the way they behave normally. 

Men tend to take communication at face value- we ask “what do you mean?”. Women like to encode messages. You want to project the right message subtly.  

For a woman, it is all part of a story. She wants to believe in the romantic story that is happening. Be in the moment with them and like the unpredictability of what can happen. 



  1. There is no downside 

You are never losing anything when taking to a woman. They invest lots of time getting ready. They lose more than you. You have nothing to lose to talk to her. 

  1. I am different to the outcome 

It is no big deal what happens. Practice detachment. When you are indifferent, it is very magnetic 

  1. Time with me is rare and valuable 

She is privileged from being with me. She is going to have a good time. She gets the good deal 

  1. She likes me and I am going to tease her and see how much  

I want to bust her balls. 

  1. She will have to prove to me that she is above average 


Strategies go get into these attitudes 

Stealing her frame: use all her lines on her. Hold the bar high, point out their flaws if they are really hot. Sit down and write down things that women have done that have shut you down. “I do not like when you just look at me like a piece of meat” or “You are just looking at me like a sexual object. I have feelings” 

Always present a challenge in all situations. Talk to her and walk away. If she asks you to do something, say no. If you are walking together in a shop, walk away to another aisle. People do not want things that are available, they want things that are scarce and hard to get. 

Be mysterious. “What do you do?” -> never answer these questions. They will just know my name but that’s it. After one hour they still know nothing about us. 

  1. Never give a woman a direct answer unless it’s no 

Did you like the way that felt? -> Well you obviously did. / No / Why do you ask? 

  1. Answer questions with questions that implicate her 

What are you doing on Saturday? -> Well what do you have in mind? / Why, what are you going to do for me? 

Will you rub my shoulders? -> Maybe, what will you do for me? / Sure, if you wash my car 

Are you a player? -> Are you trying to tell me you are a player? 

  1. When she complains about something, don’t change too much for her 

I don't like that music -> Turn it louder before turning it down 

  1. Never give a woman exactly what she asks for 

Will you take me to dinner at X at 7? Take her to another restaurant / No, I am busy, I will take you. You will see where 

  1. Send mixed signals 

Physically generous and giving, but verbally challenging 

If she wants a hug, you can give her a hug and call her a pain in the ass at the same time. 

Say you are going to like her as a friend when sexual tension is high 

  1. Don’t do things that are predictable 

Do not always talk about the same things, or have the same tone of voice, or always go to the same places 

  1. Do not be boring 

  1. Be distinctive 

Find ways to be unique in a way she prefers. Buy distinctive shoes. Get a distinctive haircut. Talk about something other people don’t mention. Order distinctive drinks- with 2 lemons. 

  1. Never act apologetic 

The more relaxed you are, the more she will be. Talk about anything you want. 

  1. Two step forwards, one step back 

When she likes what you are doing, stop, lean back. Have her work for it. If she says “haha, tell me another joke” -> Maybe later. 

  1. Never let the line go slack 

If you are crossing the line too much, stop and talk about something else. But If you stop too much and she gets bored, that is equally bad. If things take too much time, the tension dies. Call her fast. Keep tension going. 

  1. Always raise and call her bluff 

Demonstrate you are willing to walk away. “You are mean, I am leaving” -> Ok, don’t hurt your ass against the door 

  1. Once you have a frame that works, keep rolling with it 

If the “you only see me as a sex object” card works, keep using it during the conversation.  

  1. Lead and move forward confidently 

Be decisive, make decisions. Choose a drink for her, open the door for her, do not ask for her approval. 

If you have to ask a sensitive question, ask it boldly. You can say “if you are insecure, it is your problem not mine” 

  1. Do not be a wussy 



  1. Make a list of 5 masculine traits you would like to cultivate  

  1. List 3 ways you could improve that area (raise your chest, slow deliberate gestures, eliminate nervous ticks, walking decisively or slowly, taking decisions, etc...) 

  1. List 10 past situations where you can remember a woman testing you and see how you could change your reaction for a better outcome 

  1. Take the 15 techniques and come up with one way you could use one immediately and use it straight away 


Step 1 and 2: Sparking the attraction or chemistry and building sexual tension 

Chemistry and sexual tension are a feeling. Women like the anticipation 


Flirting – it is like playfight. 

  • I have a great job -> Great, we are getting married. I like women with money, But wait, do you think you can support both of us? I like to stay home and watch TV. No? Ok I’m divorcing you. 

  • To a random woman in a store: “I am sorry we don’t have this item any more” -> “I am sorry this relationship isn’t going anymore. I am going to have to break up with you” 

Good ways to do it 

  1. Give her a hard time about anything 

To a waitress at Starbucks: “what are you doing there, growing the beans?” (if it is taking too long) 

  1. Mention how the relationship doesn’t seem to be working 

  1. Faking despair at something she is doing 

She hands you the wrong cup of coffee -> Huge sigh 

  1. Being overly dramatic and complaining about her performance 

“We are out of that” -> 

  1. Be too comfortable 

Act like you don’t care, you are indifferent about the outcome 

Pick any aspect and open with that: ”You know what they say about women who come here for coffee / who wear red glasses / who wear X?” and say “Hm, I won’t tell you if you don’t know” 


Cocky and funny 

It is always both at the same time. It shows you are hard to get and very comfortable in the face of an attractive girl. 

At the grocery store: “so how much of this cash do you keep? You must be rich of famous. No? That won’t work, I need someone who can support me”  

Don’t say “I am sorry” if she acts offended, take it up a notch. 

What is that big purse, you got a gun in there?” 

These are tall shoes, you are 1 meter tall without them? 

Complimenting me already? You would rather need to buy me a drink. 

Mimic something that she is doing. 

Pick up something small (napkin or straw) and hit her with it, for example if she acts offended. 


Sexual misinterpretation:  

It’s time to go home -> I have only known you for 15 minutes 

I need to go -> Where are you taking me? It better be good 

She speaks about moving -> I am not moving with you. I just met you. And I don’t like this area 


Take the interview questions and avoid them: 

What do you do? -> I don’t think you can handle the answer.  



If you want to give her a compliment, make it backhanded. 

These shoes look great. (thanks) I bet they looked great when they were new. 


Games to play 

How much would it take you to be a stripper? A million USD to go on stage just once. How much money would it take to get you to do it? Especially if it is about something she doesn’t like 


Laugh at shit-tests 

Do not be explicit. Always imply things 

Shit tests can be responded with just a chuckle. See them as cute 

“I do not like when you make fun of me” -> That is cute. 

“I am sorry, I cannot come tonight” -> Come on, give me a break 


Make it her problem, not yours. 

She mentions she doesn’t like short men -> You know at first, I didn’t want to talk to you because I usually don’t date tall women, but I am glad I did because you look interesting. 

Or “it is too bad you are so tall. If you were a few inches shorter, I might have asked you out” 

Turn things around and make it her problem 


Arguments and conflict can spark attraction 

If a fight happens, it creates strong sexual tension. Watch Die Another Day 


Exercise: flirt with 10 women every day for the next 10 days 

Take the most common questions you get and come up with answers 


Steps 3 and 4 : Amplifying the attraction and sexually advancing 

  • Eye contact 

EC reveals how confident you are with yourself. Hold initial EC until she looks away. 

In the mall, hold EC until women look away. It exudes confidence masculinity. Confident guys blink slower and move their eyes around slower. 

Voice tone should be deep, speak from your chest and stomach. Use deliberate, articulate pauses. It is very powerful. Put your hand on chest and stomach to feel them moving when you speak. 


Most men behave like they want to get something. Instead, you should demonstrate that the woman will get great pleasure. A person will only do something that they have imagined doing something before. Men are like light switches; women are more like volume knobs. 

When you know you can make her feel good and get good orgasms, it will help your game a lot. Many men want to be liked instead of focusing on showing they are in control and confident. 


  • 2 step forwards, 1 step back 

Kiss her, stop and pull back. When it happens again unexpectedly a second later, she wil feel swept away by it. 

When things are going very well on the phone, suddenly say “Ok I got to go” and end the conversation on a high note. 

Men create all the resistance without realizing it – they touch her before she is ready. In sales, you close by focusing on the buyer’s needs, not the seller’s. 

2-1 also show that you are in control of the situation, that you are the one choosing.  

Touch her very lightly and very slowly. Later, you can contrast this with pulling and grabbing, and get back to soft touch. 


Example of a progression: home-bounce, walk away to make a call, show her around, walk to the bedroom, sit on the bed and talk to her. Sit furthest away from her. 

Reach over to see her hands (for hand massage / hand-read). After a while, stop, lean back, and go back to your end of the bed 

After a while, take her hand again and give it back to her immediately (“I just wanted to see if you already obey to my every whim, haha”).  

Then after a while, turn her around and massage her back. Lead - “it’s ok, just turn around” and rub her shoulders. And stop, lean back again. 

Pull her next to you. 

Smell her neck and make a comment about it “that smells good”. Do it again. And do it for 10 minutes straight. It is a very powerful move that turns her on. You haven’t kissed her yet. Run your lips but don’t kiss her. Say “I want to bite you”. And lean back.  

And come back. Brush her lips with yours. And lean back. Go back to smelling her. 

Grab and rub her in a passionate way, but not in private areas. Run your fingers over the skin that is exposed.  

Next kiss her passionately for 10 minutes while smelling her neck. And stop, lean back. Go put some music, light some candles, start having a conversation with her again as if nothing happened. 

Start kissing her again unexpectedly. 

One way to have sex with her in lot of different positions is to mimic all these positions while only kissing her. Simulate every position while just kidding her. 

Put your hand 2 inches away from your crotch and leave it there for 10 minutes. And take it back 

When you feel she is really turned on (after 30 fucking minutes???) go further, stop touching her sexually for a minute. You have bypassed 95% of the resistance you would have gotten. 


Aftercare: massage, food, drink. Makes it feel like a complete experience. 

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