9 days of game self challenge: is this a good idea?

[New York]

Hi guys,

 

Need some help. Let me know first of all if you think this is the right place on the forum for this.

 

More importantly: Is this a good idea? And am I thinking about it in the right way?

 

I’ll likely have a week off work next week. That’s 9 days back to back, bookended by two weekends. I’m working to think of the absolute best way to use my time, even at the risk of being OCD about disciplined time management. Just because 9 days is a hugely valuable chunk of time.

 

My goal is to push myself in every direction, and take action to reach my goals, which are broadly:

 

-Learn to focus, and direct my energy outward

-Keep reaching for higher standards and better quality of life (including improving my game)

-Move toward a better career

-Write a book

 

So I put together a daily schedule I can use to maximize my time. There might be some differences between weekend nights (Friday and Saturday) and weekdays (Sun thru Thurs) but it would basically look something like this:

 

10-12: Gym

12-2: Chinese study

2-3: Work

3-4: Job search

4-7: Day game (goal is being in set as much as possible)

7-9: Reading

9-10: Writing

10-2: Night game (goal is being in set as much as possible)

 

My biggest question is whether this make sense. I also wonder about other ways to organize my time doing game. Like, is the goal of ‘being in set as much as possible’ is ideal or if there are other things/ challenges I should be focusing on. Ideas?

[Ybbor]

My profession is about scheduling and planning. I think to have a goal and to break it down is an excellent start.

 

Looking at you plan I would adjust it. Include eating and showering etc. the more achievable a plan is the more likely you can follow it. Transit times, where you will do what, eg transit time can be game time too. Eating can be game time and even gym can be. Your critical productive things, working reading and writing May require focus and so place your self in a work environment where you can focus and minimise the time spent doing it. Also track how you go the first day then adjust your plan to take into account things you haven't thought of during planning. Eg they are really big days...

 

But awesome to take control of your time like that!!!

[RedpoleQ]

Why did you put reading and writing from 7-10pm?

 

Seems like it would be better to push your day game time back 2 hours because 7-10 is also ideal date time so you'll likely end up skipping it on more than a few days.

 

I think that you should set daily goals for your pickup and should probably spend some time brainstorming specific areas you want to improve and come up with goals that will exercise those.

 

sent from RPQ's Galaxy...

[New York]

Both Ybbor and RPQ's points about the schedule are well taken. I'll have to adjust, and I'll through up a new one when I do it.

 

I have ambitious goals for reading. That being said, part of why I'm doing this is that I've done 'staycations' before in Beijing. AND I look forward to them, like opportunities to go 'do' tons of game . . . and I end up spending more time reading than I want. I tell myself that I have to read some book or get some knowledge in some area before I can get the success I want. And I want to change that dynamic, more toward just doing it.

 

I think setting goals is absolutely right. The problem with goals is I make them too complex (eg open 15 sets, unless one hooks and you get an insta date then that is 5 dates for every half hour it lasts . . .). And my realy challenge is laziness, like just telling myself I can do game whenever I want and then going home. So there is an implicit goal in this schedule: specific number of hours in set every day. And then I guess my goal in set would be to push it as far that day as possible, moving toward even SNL, or time bridging.

 

Does that make sense? I have a suspicion it mostly makes sense, but needs more refining still . . .

[RedpoleQ]

Seems like it's worth starting with that and seeing how it goes.

 

If those goals work for you, then they're good enough.

 

sent from RPQ's Galaxy...

[New York]

This is really tough.

 

So, after some thought I went back and identified several goals that I want to accomplish over the now 8 days I have off. Then I tailor made a schedule for accomplishing those goals, with the understanding that the schedule would need some amount of flexibility but the goals were hard.

 

Today was my first scheduled time for day game. I was supposed to go do 'day game' at the village, and be in set most of the time, for three hours.

 

I went to the village, got in line at Starbucks and opened a girl there. Not a good reaction. Then I decided I'd go to the bathroom and on the way out opened two girls. Again, not a great reaction. Then I bought a muffin, then I walked around for ten minutes, bought a coffee and left feeling pissed off.

 

I get that hesitating by getting in line at Starbucks first thing was part of the problem. It just went downhill from there. I started seriously doubting my motivations and feeling like an idiot.

 

The result I wanted, and the skill I want to develop, is to be able to open and hook sets consistently when I'm alone in the village. I think that will take a lot of work, and I think a huge part of the problem ultimately is that I'm still not motivated purely out of just giving/contributing to other people, and instead by my own need for ego gratification.

 

Kind of with that in mind, I was watching what was happening in my mind during the two sets I was in. I feel like the negative reactions were in two parts. Like the sets were saying, in their own minds:

 

1. Who are you to try and make my day better?

2. I'm confused; fuck off and let me just be unhappy.

 

Anyway. Today is Monday; I'll have another go at this this Wednesday. I'll number one, come up with a better goal other than time spent 'doing game.' It might be number of sets, and per Kane's idea, I'll probably come up with some punishment for myself if I don't hit that. IE: Three hours in set as much as possible, minimum of 15 approaches. And if I leave before then, engage in avoidance behavior or don't hit 15 sets then I have to walk through the mall with my shirt off (this is embarrassing to me) and take 3 cold showers when I get home.

[RedpoleQ]

So, there are basically 2 ways to deal with this problem.

 

One is to come up with really good answers for those questions that stop you from taking action.

 

So, who are you and why should they bother and how can you unconfuse them?

 

The other way to handle it is to replace those thoughts with thoughts that help directly.

 

Maybe by focusing on what it is you want out of the interaction, what kind of person you are looking to find and seeing the interaction as a why to find her.

 

Maybe in this case early on, throwing out an SOI (Statement of Interest/Intent) might help, because, who doesn't like compliments?

 

May or may not be ideal for getting the girl, but I find that a lot of guys feel more comfortable if they compliment the girl after the open.

 

Number of sets is a good goal. But you also need to add in what you require yourself to attempt in each set.

 

So, is open and ejecting OK or do you need to try to bt spike as well, for example?

 

sent from RPQ's Galaxy...

[New York]

Ok, so the week is basically over now - Hard to structure my summary. There's a larger context here that I didn't mention above. I have been thinking about ways to be more 'in the moment' and/or active or creative . . . the idea being that I need to find more ways to invest in and focus intellectual energy. I tend to get very wrapped up 'in my own head.' More on that below . . .

 

Let me start with one thing I learned that was immensely valuable. That is that I was able to overcome my paralysis alone at the mall by using . . . WARM UP SETS. In other words, if I was feeling shitty or non-approachy I would find someone (even if it's a less-than-super-hottie) and ask where the Starbucks was. It's a low risk opener that works for basically everyone. The result was I was connecting to someone. And from there I was much happier opening more sets.

 

I did this twice, each for about an hour. And it resulted in some good and some bad interactions, lots of wechat closes, and several blowouts. And if I felt like I was losing steam or didn't want to risk, I would go back to the Starbucks opener and generate better 'state' that way. It felt generally sustainable, fun and pressure free. The important point for me was this right here.

 

I've only picked a few to follow up with . . . and that hasnt' gone so great. That's kind of another story . . .

 

ON goals. I ended up setting goals in several areas and organizing my time according to those goals. The goals were this: being awesome in game (1 close and 15 hours in set, including 2 day game 2 night game); Chinese (6 hours total of Chinese study); 4 trips to the gym; figure out next week trip to the US; finish two books; write a chapter in the fiction novell I'm working on; find and apply for five jobs. I also had several business meetings and social events to attend - factors in how I planned to use my time.

 

I just went through and looked at how well I did, and gave myself percent completes for each area. In the 'awesome game' area I failed on the close (0%) and only one night game. BUT including my failed day game I did three of those - and between the four hours of night game, day game and dating a new girl from last week, I easily hit 15 hours 'in set.' So I gave myself a 75% for target.

 

So when I looked at my results, the interesting thing is this: I noticed the 'passive' activities were all 100% - reading books, studying, and going to the gym (which is passive in the sense I'm not really expending mental energy or being social, just pushing some weights and listening to tunes). Some of the things that require me to think - spending more time chasing that close, doing the extra night game, writing, finding and applying for jobs - these things things were all LESS than 100%.

 

To me that suggests I find it all too easy to do 'passive' things that don't require thinking - and need to be better at identifying more active mode activities where I'm being more creative (in the broadest sense). I think the 'stuck in my own head' comes partly from my enjoyment of passive activities - I can go in my head any time and tell myself I've read this or done this - and am therefore awesome. All of which is irrelevant to my goals.

 

Another thing I've learned is that time is really scarce. Perhaps the worst thing about this week is learning that even with 8 days I just don't have time for everything. I'll have to scale back some things going forward.

 

In short: Progress, and some new ideas for how I might improve. Still strengthening the commitment to living an awesome life. Thanks all here for everything - you are awesome.

[RedpoleQ]

So, there are two broad things going on here.

 

One is you figuring out how to best live and manage yourself and your life so you can get more of what you want.

 

The second is the actual implementation of your game. My reading of what you wrote basically says that when you feel like you know what you're doing, and you're already good at it, you have no problem doing it. On the other hand thins that require more energy or active engagement because you don't yet know how to do them are put on a lower priority.

 

I'm wondering why you didn't realize much sooner that warm up sets help? Is that because you haven't been spending time trying to figure out how to get yourself to approach women? If so, then it's clear that you're not putting enough time into it.

 

As for figuring out how to make your sets go better, we need A LOT more detail about what's happening in set, what you're saying and trying to accomplish and how women are reacting to that as well as what's happening in the follow up to the initial meet.

 

Looking forward to reading more from you, man.

 

Good work and keep at it!

[Golden Fox]

I have a lot of the same goals as you. Often when I get chunks of free time I make schedules like this.

 

I would choose two goals and just really focus on them.

 

Like during the day. I would just write your book. Write and write and get that THING DONE, made and sent to the

 

printing press. STAT.

 

AND I would give tons of attention to finding your new job. If its a contract basis, you'll likely be doing this for a

 

long time. It will fee into time for writing, reading, learning Chinese or the lack there of.

 

I only write this because many times I have put too much time into learning Korean and then had to take a job I

 

didn't want because I focused on the wrong things.

 

Im sure your getting a lot accomplished though. Good work and good luck!