Guilty and Flaky Booty Call FR - a LOT of lessons here!

[ShinChoc]

*This is a somewhat lengthy FR, but it is definitely worth your time to read!

 

Here is the story:

 

I have been sleeping with this Chinese girl since September. Let's call her Bahm. I met her because she was in my class. I noticed her on the first day of class, and I was particularly interested in her, but she didn't seem to show any interest in me. To my surprise, after class I was walking home and she ran after me and asked for my contact information, on the premise that we could "hangout." (By the way, that class was cancelled, so the first day of class was also the last day of class, so I wasn't officially her teacher anymore) I gave her my contact information. She messaged me a couple of times, but I didn't respond to her (I had fallen for a Chinese girl I had sex with the previous week, and I was busy trying to keep her interested in me. It didn't work). Bahm messaged me one night to go walking around campus, and I was tempted to turn her down (I didn't want to seem to available), but I decided to go ahead and do it. Her and I walked around the campus, and she told me that she was having trouble with her boyfriend. I invited her to my apartment for tea. We ended up in my room, and I had her ironing my clothes for the previous day. I sat on the computer trying to prepare my PPT for the class I had the next day. As I was sitting and typing on the computer, she began to rub up on me, and then she wrapped her arms around me. I took the hint, put on some music by The Weeknd, stood up, took my glasses off, and proceeded to kiss her. We then had sex.

 

During the first week that we were having sex (we had sex two days in a row), she made it clear to me that she wanted an exclusive relationship with me (I had brought up the idea of her doing threesomes with me, and she said that she just couldn't do that). I guess that she was willing to break up with her boyfriend for me. She would message me frequently, and I would frequently ignore her messages (Once I have a woman's interest, I like to occasionally play it somewhat cruel and disinterest- it keeps them on their toes and keeps them from taking me for granted). I even messaged her pictures of other women that I was hanging out with (making her think that I was sleeping with other women), just to make her jealous. She would continue to slavishly message me to meet up for sex. Mind you that she is still in a relationship with her boyfriend, so I am playing the role of the guy on the side. Whenever she would come over to my house, I would play it cool (as if I could take sex or leave it), and she would eventually sexually escalate on me. We occasionally did other things together besides sex (we ate at a restaurant together one time, etc.) Sometimes I would message her for sex, and she would say that she is too busy. One time she denied me for sex three times in a row, and I went cold on her. I stopped responding to her messages, and I posted lots of pictures on WeChat of the awesome things going on in my life. This brought her back around, and she messaged me for sex a couple of days later. This has become a pattern for us. She will do something that I don't like- such as denying me sex, or acting really guilty for cheating on her boyfriend (and then denying me sex), and I will withdraw from her, which will eventually make her contact me, giving me what I want.

 

Around November, her behavior started to change. She stopped contacting me for sex, and she became increasingly passive. Instead of her coming after me for sex, I had to start pushing her for sex. Normally, whenever she would come over to home, she would begin to sexually escalate on me, but suddenly things changed. I would see her sitting on my bed holding herself back, keeping her distance from me, which forced to escalate on her. I would sometimes be successful in my escalating on her, and other times she would deny me/it would be too difficult to turn her on sexually. I didn't like how passive she was becoming, so I tried to revive the relationship by being romantic with her (giving her a drawing I made, giving her a gift for our 3-month anniversary, trying to text her more often to show her that I value her for more than sex, etc.). It didn't really seem to work.

 

My coworker and her

 

Now, here is where things get really interesting. Back when the class that I was teaching for her got cancelled (back in September), she got put into a class with my coworker. My coworker is a tall, intellectual, half-black/half-Mexican guy who speaks pretty fluent Mandarin. A part of me kind-of knew that she would be a little bit interested in him, but I figured since I had already had sex with her, I had staked my claim. My coworker and I live two doors down from each other, and one night when him and I were walking back to our apartments, him and I ran into her as she was waiting to meet me. Since she is a student in his class, he was surprised that I was meeting with her (I told him that she was my Chinese teacher). They spoke to each other in Chinese, and I went inside my apartment. A couple of minutes later she came into my apartment. For some reason, my coworker messaged me "hahahahaha". I showed Bahm the message, and she didn't seem to get what it meant. Her and I then had sex.

 

A few days later my coworker shows me his phone, telling me that Bahm had messaged him asking for his WeChat information (my coworker has a message group for his students, so that he can message them with class related things). He asked me if I had sex with her, and I feigned innocence, saying

that she was just my Chinese teacher (which was a lie). He asked me this because he was insinuating that he was going to try to have sex with her if I hadn't already staked my claim in her. I could have told him that I was already sleeping with her, but something inside of me said that would be an insecure thing to do, as I didn't want to control her (and I didn't want to reveal my sexual activity to my coworker). I'm starting to think this was a mistake.

 

As time passed (see all of the things that I wrote in the first few paragraphs), I started to become jealous and insecure. Sometimes I would look over at her phone and see her messaging my coworker. One day I jealously tried to grab her phone to see what they were messaging each other, and she wouldn't let me see her phone (At this point she didn't know that I knew her and my coworker were messaging each other). I even went through her phone one time, and scrolled to my coworker's contact info, and showed it to her, asking her in a joking manner why she had his contact information. She said because he was her teacher, and I didn't push the conversation any further (I didn't want to make it too obvious that I was jealous).

 

Things came to a head one night (during the month of December) when I caught her going into his apartment one night. I had walked up behind her as she was entering his apartment, and I walked into his house. He said that he was "sick as fuck", and she said that she was bringing him medicine. As I walked out of the apartment, I said "Have fun", and closed the door behind me. The next day she messaged me, asking if she could meet me. She came over my apartment, and she tried to explain to me that nothing happened the previous night with my coworker. I was really horny, so I wanted to have sex with her, before the possibly serious discussion could ruin my chances at getting laid. She told me she was on her period, and I suggested that she give me a blowjob. She resisted, saying "Don't make me do this", but eventually I had her on her knees giving me a blowjob. After cleaning her up, we talked and she told me nothing happened between her and my coworker, and that he simply was getting her help with medicine, and that they watched a music video on his computer. I revealed to her that I had known about her and my coworker communicating with each other since the day they first swapped contact information, and that he had told me she asked for his contact information. I was trying my best to not show any jealousy, and I told her that if she was interested in my coworker, I would have no issue with her having fun with him, and if she wanted to keep her relationship going with me, that was her decision (I was doing my best to show her that I would enjoy her company if she stayed with me, and that I had no issue with her leaving me for another man). She scrunched her lips up, as if she was turning it over in her head, and then she said something along the lines of "I'm not really interested in him". We then kissed and snuggled with each other.

 

The next week or so she came back over to my apartment. We watched 50 Shades of Grey. I hadn't expected her to come over that day, so I had already masturbated that day. I figured that just watching a movie with her and not trying to have sex with her (since I wasn't horny anymore) would show her that I value her for more than sex. Also, I had a meeting in an hour, so she could only stay for a short while. Before she left she told me that she just wanted to be friends with me, and that she didn't want to hurt her boyfriend anymore. I said okay, and I didn't try to change her mind (I know how she frequently changes her mind, so I didn't really take what she was saying too seriously. Finals week rolls around. I had just taken RedpoleQ's Texting Mastery Seminar, and I was trying a new strategy of texting women more often, and not taking it personally when they don't respond. At first Bahm responded positively, but eventually she started going somewhat cold (she ignored some of my calls and messages, which I didn't really like since at the beginning of our relationship she was the one messaging me, and now here she was ignoring some of my messages two or three times in a row). She even flaked on meeting with me one night, saying that she was going to go get a puppy. I didn't like the dynamic that was being set up, so I stopped messaging her for a few days.

 

During the last day before campus closed for winter vacation, she messaged me asking if we could meet. I eagerly agreed, and then a couple of hours later she cancelled the plans on me, saying that she had to pack some things for her trip home the next day. I sent her about 4 or 5 messages in response, saying that she had been acting rude towards me, and that I didn't want to speak with her until she changed her disrespectful attitude. She messaged me back apologizing, but I didn't respond. During the winter vacation she messaged me on three separate occasions, and I didn't respond to her (I wanted her to feel the pain that come with taking me for granted).

 

School started again about a month and a half later. I wanted to have sex with her, so I was tempted to message her, but I held myself back, because I wanted her to message me first.

 

Last night

The dorms on campus close at 11p.m. every night. That means students need to be back in their dorms by this time. The walls in the teacher's apartments are very thin, and I am able to hear doors close, even when the room with the door closing is two doors down. My coworker's room is two doors down, so I know whenever I hear a door close at night and it is 20-30 minutes before 11p.m., it is likely that some student that he is hooking up with/is trying to hook up with is leaving his apartment. Last night I heard his front door close around 10:35p.m., and my curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to see who it was. I went outside of my apartment to see Bahm walking towards the stair well.

 

I was wearing a robe and socks, and I quietly ran after her, and came up on her as she was reaching the bottom of the stairwell. She apologized to me for her rude behavior (I was expecting her to admit that she just had sex with my coworker, but that comes later). I convinced her to come back upstairs and spend the night with me. After sex (thanks to RedpoleQ for sharing the awesome sex techniques!), her and I got to talking about things. I asked her if she had slept with any other men during the past two months, and she said no. She told me that she was just recording music in my coworkers room (my coworker produces music). Later in the conversation, I managed to trick her into admitting that she had sex with my coworker back in December/January (she said that she couldn't remember exactly).

 

She said they had sex twice on the same night a couple of weeks before the winter vacation (I wonder if this is before or after she told me that she didn't want to hurt her boyfriend anymore), and that she asked him if he wanted to have a serious relationship, and he said no. (She told me that if my coworker had agree to an exclusive relationship with her, she would have broke up with her boyfriend) The fucked up thing about the situation is that she said "it just happened", when in fact she knew damn well that she was putting herself in a position for sex to happen with my coworker by going over to his house at night . She said that was the only time they had sex, and that they were just working together on music now. I also revealed to her that my coworker had a Korean girlfriend back in America he had been dating for 3 years, and that he was planning on marrying when he goes back to America, and she was shocked (my coworker hadn't told her he had a girlfriend). She said that she felt he had wronged her by not mentioning his girlfriend to her (which is kind of silly, considering that she has been cheating on her boyfriend with two black guys!)

 

I was somewhat relieved by her revelation- I had been jealousy listening to hear my coworker's door every night since school started back, because I was expecting to catch her in there again. I was also relieved because my imagination of her having sex with him was a lot worse than the reality of the situation. I never would have known they had sex if she hadn't of told me, and I likely could have gone the rest of my life without knowing, and it wouldn't really have affected anything.

 

Now, I figure that there is a high chance that her and my coworker will have sex again (especially since she is going over to his apartment late at night to record music), and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I enjoy spending time and having sex with her, but the idea of sharing a woman with my coworker kind of disgusts me. She weakly put up the front that her relationship with my coworker will be just about making music, but I know her well enough to know that she will likely have sex with my coworker again, if she just so happens to be feeling horny or particularly dissatisfied with her boyfriend one day.

 

Her and I agreed to be just friends and hangout as friends, but even after we said that I ended up fingering her asshole . This morning after she left my apartment (I offered to meditate with her to calm her nerves, but she had an early class and had to leave), we had this text exchange:

 

Her: It hurts me... Physically hurts me....."

Me: (Funny meditating emoticon)

Me: All hurt is in the mind. When you change your thoughts, the hurt changes to pleasure and an enjoyment of life, and the world becomes a lot more fun.

Her: I would think about your words.

 

 

I would like to continue having a sexual relationship with this girl, but she seems very mentally confused. She expresses guilt in cheating on her boyfriend (a boyfriend who she says that she really loves, and who makes her "wetter" than any other man), and she can't seem to come to terms with the fact that she still desires to sleep with other men because her friend isn't satisfying her all of the way/she isn't ready for the "exclusive" relationship that she claims she wants. She seems to love her boyfriend (or at least she says she does ), but she can't reconcile this with her constant cheating. I feel kind of sorry for her, because she seems so lost and unhappy in her current relationships, but I know that if she doesn't sleep with me, she will eventually find another man to cheat with (probably my coworker, again). Even though we had sex last night, she isn't in my "Top 5" because she hasn't shown enough reliability for consistent sex.

 

What do you guys think?

 

I look forward to hearing from you guys

[RedpoleQ]

She messaged me a couple of times, but I didn't respond to her (I had fallen for a Chinese girl I had sex with the previous week, and I was busy trying to keep her interested in me. It didn't work)

Always good to have plans b, c, d, at least. As the pimps say, "one is as good as none"

 

Bahm messaged me one night to go walking around campus, and I was tempted to turn her down (I didn't want to seem to available), but I decided to go ahead and do it.

You should reward good behavior. PERIOD. It's the most powerful training technique of all time for getting people (and animals) to do what you want.

 

She would message me frequently, and I would frequently ignore her messages (Once I have a woman's interest, I like to occasionally play it somewhat cruel and disinterest- it keeps them on their toes and keeps them from taking me for granted). I even messaged her pictures of other women that I was hanging out with (making her think that I was sleeping with other women), just to make her jealous.

This will usually make girls crazy and lead to a really fucked up and volatile dynamic.

 

Sometimes I would message her for sex, and she would say that she is too busy. One time she denied me for sex three times in a row

See, right here, because you treat her badly, she's doing the same back to you.

 

This has become a pattern for us. She will do something that I don't like- such as denying me sex, or acting really guilty for cheating on her boyfriend (and then denying me sex), and I will withdraw from her, which will eventually make her contact me, giving me what I want.

This is a pattern that you started by punishing her for good behavior (ie trying to meet you).

 

Around November, her behavior started to change. She stopped contacting me for sex, and she became increasingly passive. Instead of her coming after me for sex, I had to start pushing her for sex. Normally, whenever she would come over to home, she would begin to sexually escalate on me, but suddenly things changed. I would see her sitting on my bed holding herself back, keeping her distance from me, which forced to escalate on her. I would sometimes be successful in my escalating on her, and other times she would deny me/it would be too difficult to turn her on sexually. I didn't like how passive she was becoming, so I tried to revive the relationship by being romantic with her (giving her a drawing I made, giving her a gift for our 3-month anniversary, trying to text her more often to show her that I value her for more than sex, etc.). It didn't really seem to work.

When you punish someone for good behavior they stop working for you. There's a big difference between:

"Hey, dad, I got a B"

"Good work, son. Next time I bet you can get an A"

 

And:

 

"Hey, dad, I got a B"

"Well, at least you didn't get a C." Or even worse "You think I care about Bs? I'll be impressed when you bring me As."

 

The first set is much more motivating, while the second is demoralizing and build resentment.

 

And then the worst part about how this all played out is that when she started giving you non-compliance you started giving her MORE compliance, essentially rewarding her BAD behavior which has trained her that if she doesn't fuck you and isn't so available you put in more effort than when she did.

 

He asked me if I had sex with her, and I feigned innocence, saying

that she was just my Chinese teacher (which was a lie). He asked me this because he was insinuating that he was going to try to have sex with her if I hadn't already staked my claim in her. I could have told him that I was already sleeping with her, but something inside of me said that would be an insecure thing to do

I probably would have gone with something in between like, "well, we've been out a few times, but I'm not sure where this is going." This lets him know that you're working on her and that he would be stepping on your toes without being explicit.

 

As time passed (see all of the things that I wrote in the first few paragraphs), I started to become jealous and insecure.

This is all bad...was this once she was giving you less compliance?

 

I was really horny, so I wanted to have sex with her, before the possibly serious discussion could ruin my chances at getting laid. She told me she was on her period, and I suggested that she give me a blowjob. She resisted, saying "Don't make me do this", but eventually I had her on her knees giving me a blowjob.

This is a really bad dynamic and is one reason it's important to have more than one girl on the go. You don't want her to be able to control you with sex, and you really don't want her to be doing sexual things for you and not because she wants to.

 

The next week or so she came back over to my apartment. We watched 50 Shades of Grey. I hadn't expected her to come over that day, so I had already masturbated that day. I figured that just watching a movie with her and not trying to have sex with her (since I wasn't horny anymore) would show her that I value her for more than sex

That's true, except by watching something like 50 Shades, you set a very sexual frame. So, it's very mixed signals you're sending which creates quite messy relationship dynamics.

 

At first Bahm responded positively, but eventually she started going somewhat cold (she ignored some of my calls and messages, which I didn't really like since at the beginning of our relationship she was the one messaging me, and now here she was ignoring some of my messages two or three times in a row). She even flaked on meeting with me one night, saying that she was going to go get a puppy. I didn't like the dynamic that was being set up, so I stopped messaging her for a few days.

This dynamic was messed up from the beginning when you ignored her calls and texts. You can see how she probably felt when you ignored her and why her behavior changed just like you changed your behavior.

 

During the last day before campus closed for winter vacation, she messaged me asking if we could meet. I eagerly agreed, and then a couple of hours later she cancelled the plans on me, saying that she had to pack some things for her trip home the next day. I sent her about 4 or 5 messages in response, saying that she had been acting rude towards me, and that I didn't want to speak with her until she changed her disrespectful attitude. She messaged me back apologizing, but I didn't respond. During the winter vacation she messaged me on three separate occasions, and I didn't respond to her (I wanted her to feel the pain that come with taking me for granted).

This is all bad...you're creating lots of negative anchors to communicating with you. If you're going to tell her anything negative, it's far better to do it in person. Why would she want to meet you when she thinks you're angry with her? When you were a kid, did you want to be around your mom/dad more or less after they angrily yelled at you? Less, for sure.

 

Then you compounded it by slapping her wrist when she put forth some positive effort. Instead of making he "feel the pain of taking you for granted" she's feeling the pain of interacting with you at all.

 

The fucked up thing about the situation is that she said "it just happened", when in fact she knew damn well that she was putting herself in a position for sex to happen with my coworker by going over to his house at night.

You have to understand that the feminist movement hasn't happened in Asia (thank god!) so women need plausible deniability to protect their image way more.

 

Now, I figure that there is a high chance that her and my coworker will have sex again (especially since she is going over to his apartment late at night to record music), and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I enjoy spending time and having sex with her, but the idea of sharing a woman with my coworker kind of disgusts me. She weakly put up the front that her relationship with my coworker will be just about making music, but I know her well enough to know that she will likely have sex with my coworker again, if she just so happens to be feeling horny or particularly dissatisfied with her boyfriend one day.

And disatissfied with you because you've been ignoring her messages and reprimanding her.

 

I would like to continue having a sexual relationship with this girl, but she seems very mentally confused. She expresses guilt in cheating on her boyfriend (a boyfriend who she says that she really loves, and who makes her "wetter" than any other man), and she can't seem to come to terms with the fact that she still desires to sleep with other men because her friend isn't satisfying her all of the way/she isn't ready for the "exclusive" relationship that she claims she wants. She seems to love her boyfriend (or at least she says she does ), but she can't reconcile this with her constant cheating. I feel kind of sorry for her, because she seems so lost and unhappy in her current relationships, but I know that if she doesn't sleep with me, she will eventually find another man to cheat with (probably my coworker, again). Even though we had sex last night, she isn't in my "Top 5" because she hasn't shown enough reliability for consistent sex.

Actually, what it sounds like is going on here is that her boyfriend isn't giving her what she wants and neither are you or your co-worker. If she was satisfied with him she wouldn't be trying to replace him with a new boyfriend. She's not actually trying to cheat. She's trying to leave him for someone else, but you turned her down, as did your co-worker.

 

We can't be sure, but it seems pretty clear that her boyfriend is either sleeping with other women, or not treating her well in other ways, or both.

 

Also, the way you treat her, it's no surprise she isn't reliable. She was reliable...in the beginning. But YOU weren't reliable, so her behavior changed and she stopped seeing you as being someone who she could go to for whatever it is she wants (sex, comfort, activities) so it's no surprise she started looking for someone else.

 

From what I see, all of this "bad" behavior from her is your fault because of the way that you've treated her. By alternately punishing and rewarding her for both good and bad behavior she doesn't know what to do to get what she wants from you.

 

It's like if you went to the barber and sometimes he gave you a great haircut and other days he gave you a shit haircut. Even if he was a great guy or an extremely sexy girl, you'd get a new barber.

[donburi]

this is pretty hilarious!

 

I'm pretty sure I've done most of these before esbecially the reward her

good behaviour with radio silence thing.

 

The fact that she approached you and basically closed you in the beginning was fascinating. You really had something good there and then messed it up.

 

I wouldn't feel sorry for her or worry about her cheating. I'd probably stop seeing her all together and try to get into healthier relationships with new girls. since this one is obviously making you unhappy.

[ShinChoc]

Thanks for all of the advice, RedpoleQ. I have decided to stop playing games with women, and to always reward them for doing behavior that I like.

 

"We can't be sure, but it seems pretty clear that her boyfriend is either sleeping with other women, or not treating her well in other ways, or both."

 

^^When her and I first started having sex, she told me that she and her boyfriend didn't have sex as much as they used to (she even said that she thought he might be gay). She has a very interesting relationship with her boyfriend in that he is the SUPER-jealous type (which, I've found, is typical of Asian men). Her boyfriend wants to marry her, and he was even introduced her to his family. I am pretty sure that she doesn't want to marry him, but her fear of being alone is keeping her from breaking free of him. One time when she had broken up with him, and she wouldn't answer his calls (she was staying with me that night, and I was trying to give her the strength to break up with her boyfriend), he called her friends asking them where she was. A couple of weeks ago her boyfriend moved into her apartment with her (she told me his family wants to start some kind of desert cafe in this city), so it has been difficult to meet with her.

 

"I wouldn't feel sorry for her or worry about her cheating. I'd probably stop seeing her all together and try to get into healthier relationships with new girls. since this one is obviously making you unhappy."

 

@donburi It's not that she's making me unhappy, it's just that I set up a bad dynamic in this relationship. She has still shown me interest in terms of her being willing to meet me and have sex, but the fact that her boyfriend is now living with her makes things more difficult for her to meet with me. I want to keep her around for the occasional booty call (and she seems okay with that), so we shall see how things go.

[RedpoleQ]

This is a pretty typical Asian situation...especially Chinese, and SE Asia but not uncommon in Japan or Korea either where a girl has her locked down future husband and wants to bang on the side.

 

This is typical in the west too, but usually women don't also sleep with the husband type unless they are actually ready to get married or are gold diggers through and through.

[ShinChoc]

So I have decided to remove this girl completely from my life. Here is what has transpired over the past couple of weeks.

 

Last week on the 8th she messaged me saying "You can't believe what have happen to me" and asking me if I could meet to go for a walk, because she "need a mature person and mature suggestion". I was out of town so I set up our meeting for the next day. She came over and told me the story of what had just happened with her boyfriend. She had went through his phone and found an app for some kind of gay social network. She figured out the password, logged in, and found all of these pictures of different men sucking her boyfriend's cock. She said that she figured out her boyfriend is bisexual (Bisexual is the word that she uses, but I think that he's probably fully gay, and probably thinks about men when he is having sex with her, and that he probably only wants to marry her to save face with his family, but that is just my assumption...). When she questioned him on it he denied it. She felt disgusted that he was doing sexual things with men and then would come home and kiss her.

 

She also told me that him and her had been having UNPROTECTED sex together (this really disturbed me, as her and I had the discussion months earlier that we would always use protection with whoever we had sex with, so she had broken her agreement with me). I told her to go to the hospital ASAP to get an HIV test, but she was somewhat passive about the situation. She said that she didn't really care, and that she didn't want to know whether she had caught something or not (!!!). Since my own health was at stake here, I pushed her to go take the exam that day. She left my apartment and went to the hospital a few hours later. The next day she messaged me saying that her results were negative. Not fully trusting her, I had her send me a photo of the results, and they were indeed negative.

 

About a day after she messaged me her test results she went cold on me. I had messaged her to come over for sex and she didn't respond. I messaged her a few days later quoting something she put on her WeChat (she had written that she hoped some unknown man-her boyfriend for those of us who know about her situation- would catch AIDS and become a stray dog who bites people in the next life) and asking her why she was so mad, and she didn't respond. A week later I messaged her saying that I had "some big news" to show her, and she didn't respond. I have her class schedule, so I decided to show up as she was leaving her class.

 

I managed to bump into her as she was leaving her class (Ya know, I'm pretty darn good at stalking hahaha), and she told me that she had been busy preparing for her tests, and that she wasn't trying to avoid me. I didn't believe her, as she had just posted some photos on WeChat the day before, and it wouldn't have taken her more than a few seconds to respond to my messages to say that she was busy studying. She told me that she had let her boyfriend move back into her apartment(!!!) I asked her why she would let someone like that back into her life, and she couldn't really answer me. I asked her why she would continue to date a gay man, and she said that he was bisexual, and she said that she didn't care about sex, and that they weren't sleeping together. She also had this big herpes looking cold-sore blister above her lip- she said that she got it from eating spicy food, but she said it as if she wasn't very sure if that was true or not. This was a big fucking red flag to me, as she didn't seem to be showing any concern for her health, and she was treating this situation (the letting her gay/bisexual boyfriend move back in and the blister above her lip) like it wasn't serious. I told her that I only like to have positive people who make positive decisions in my life, and I didn't think that we should have sex anymore, but that I still want to be friends with her. I ended the conversation by telling her to make smart decisions, and hi-fived her. A little later I sent her pictures of a video with the title "How to STOP attracting the wrong guys" by Matthew Hussey and telling her that she needed to watch the video. I also messaged her saying that "You have to love yourself first, or nobody else will". She didn't respond. That was on Wednesday.

 

Today (Friday) I saw something that freaking disgusted me. I saw her and him walking together, and she was sexually grabbing on him. I followed behind them and took pictures of them together, intent on messaging them to her later to tell her how disgusted I am in her, and telling her to delete my contact information. I mean, he cheated on her and had UNPROTECTED sex with many different men, and then he had UNPROTECTED sex with her (and let's not forget the psychopathic jealousy that he has treated her with, trying to monitor and control her every move), and she let him back into her life (while subsequently ignoring the messages that I sent to her phone). Okay, it's been a fun ride, but it's time for me to exit this rodeo. I decided against messaging her, as I didn't want to see as if I am emotionally engaged in her decision making anymore. I don't want any contact whatsoever with her, so it is smart for me to refrain from showing her any attention or emotion, and to treat this whole situation with emotional indifference (which is kind of difficult, considering how fucked up a situation it is). Although it's very difficult for me to understand (I honestly don't want to think about the situation anymore), there must be some kind of emotional value he is providing to her life if she is willing to keep a sexual relationship going on with him after finding out what he has been doing. I guess that she doesn't have the same fears about sexual diseases that I have. Anyway, if I keep engaging in a sexual relationship with this girl and catch and STD, I will have only myself to blame. I'm going to avoid the L (the loss) of catching an STD in the prime of my life, so I'm going to do what a winner would do and find better women to sleep with

 

In the 48 Laws of Power Robert wrote a law called "Despise the Free Lunch". In it he says that things that come for free or to o easilyoften have hidden defects in them. The fact that this girl fell into my bed so easily and wanted to be my girlfriend without really knowing me should have put me on to the fact that she was probably a little screwy emotionally, but I was blinded by the pussy that she was throwing at me. Judging by the way that way she has reacted during this whole situation, this girl seems like the type of person who would infect you with an STD and then giggle when you confront her about it- i.e. she's the type of woman that I need to stay CLEAR AWAY from. I messaged RedpoleQ about the situation, and I made a resolution to get better at qualifying women, so that I can avoid situations like this in the future, and have only high-quality women (women who care about their health and who have self-esteem) in my life! Let's move past this situation and focus on the future!

[ShinChoc]

Damn, I fucked up this relationship. Glad that I know better now!

[RedpoleQ]

Looking back, can you see what disaster you were and how delusional you were about it as well?

[ShinChoc]

On 3/6/2021 at 4:36 AM, RedpoleQ said:

Looking back, can you see what disaster you were and how delusional you were about it as well?

Yes.....any point that you wanna make that I should understand?

[RedpoleQ]

Always remember that you might be wrong and focus on changing your behavior first to get different behavior from others.