RedpoleQ
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Posts posted by RedpoleQ
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On 11/8/2018 at 11:14 PM, Ditto said:
Okay, so what I need to do is decide my own willingness to give compliance and make a baseline. Though, rather than seeming strange, maybe it'd be better to say that it seems like giving low compliance would reduce her willingness to give compliance in return.
Right! Which is back to how value (and keenness as her perceived value of you) and compliance are two sides of the same thing like you said in bootcamp. The light bulb just turned on lol
Perfect!
On 11/8/2018 at 11:14 PM, Ditto said:Haha does this mean I get to join in on the "you should write an FR about it" train?
Yup! Time to start schooling the no-FR writing n00bs!
Great replies and I'm looking forward to what's next.
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On 11/3/2018 at 5:52 PM, Ditto said:
Her coworker from the same set told me over WeChat
How did you end up with the co-worker's WeChat? If the co-worker is a guy, he's probably cockblocking. If it's a girl, maybe they're trying to target switch you...
On 11/3/2018 at 5:52 PM, Ditto said:Though when do you start to really show intent? During sexcalation when you home bounce her? Just don't do anything that could make her think you want to sleep with her until you're actually there at the SL?
You can show intent...that's totally different from it being a "date". Intent and interest to bang is one thing. But a "date" has all sorts of bad and boring connotations attached to it. "I want to bang you, let's hang out at the park and see how we like each other" is a lot better than, "I want to bang you, let's go on a date."
On 11/3/2018 at 5:52 PM, Ditto said:I had seen how unstable girls who acted like this in high school were emotionally with their boyfriends and it affects my judgement now
Their boyfriends also don't know how to manage them too.
On 11/3/2018 at 5:52 PM, Ditto said:I'm happy with women playing both traditional and non traditional roles, honestly I'm happy if she's happy (and attractive, and has similar moral guidelines, and wakes up at exactly 5:40 every morning to make herself perfect.)
Hahahahahahahahahaha
On 11/3/2018 at 5:52 PM, Ditto said:I'd always just admit to being cheap
Even if you are cheap, don't let girls think you're cheap. Actually, being "cheap" is a bad trait all around. And you're not actually cheap. Because you do spend money if you see the value, hence you took the boot camp and the sex seminar. You just don't want to waste money and want to make sure you get value for money.
So you should reframe how you see yourself, because girls are pretty comfortable with a guy being willing to spend money on quality.
On 11/3/2018 at 5:52 PM, Ditto said:Though one question, if she's trying to push for places that are easy for her to go and I don't want to go (or take the time to plan a d2 in a far away location I won't go many times,) what is a good response? Just say "nah not tonight" and push for a better location for me next time? It seems strange to tell them where I'm staying and telling them to meet by me even though they're far away.
What's more important? Seeming normal, or getting what you want? Ultimately, it doesn't matter. You just should understand that jumping through a girl's hoops doesn't necessarily mean that you're more likely to close. It only means you'll be more likely to get the meet. So, you need to consider whether you're willing to give that level of compliance for the meet.
Also, keep in mind that if she "seemed keen" then she's MORE likely to give you the compliance you want. In fact, the amount of compliance you can get IS the measure for keeness.
On 11/3/2018 at 5:52 PM, Ditto said:On 11/1/2018 at 11:04 PM, RedpoleQ said:I wouldn't do this with any girl I haven't already had sex with. Asian girls are EXTREMELY worried about their public image and when you regularly do things that embarrass them, they won't want to be around you. If you're going to do this sort of thing, you should do it in a semi-private place like a stairwell or elevator that only the two of you are in, for example.
They'll still be embarrassed, but when you show that you're aware of the social situation, they'll feel comfortable.
Oh. That makes sense. I think the first step for me IS being aware of the social situation. Though all of this helps with that a lot, because you're clearly pointing out things that I do not realize at all. So thanks!
That's exactly why EVERYONE should be posting like you are.
On 11/3/2018 at 5:52 PM, Ditto said:You're completely right, this is one of the things I am going to focus on until I don't even feel the urge to let her dictate the logistics or d2 anymore.
This is usually a result of over-confidence, laziness or BOTH!
On 11/3/2018 at 5:52 PM, Ditto said:My biggest focuses for the immediate future are going to be on leading the interaction while making sure I give compliance as a reward, being aware of the girls perception of the social situation (and learning how far I can push things past social expectations and in what ways), and fleshing out my stack and memorizing it, and adding a lot more of the stories I tell so I can tweak them better.
Sounds great!
Good work and keep at it!
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On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:
I let her choose the restaurant (I really need to stop doing that)
Yes, you do. This is a great way to end up in all sorts of bad situations.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I really need to do 2 steps forward 1 step back, not 2 steps forward and a little more forward.
?
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:The choker necklace thing got way harder after I explicity mentioned it though.
What do you mean?
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:well give me your WeChat before you go and next time we can go on a date. I don't even know you. I'm Ditto, I'm from San Diego, I like long walks on the beach, looooooong walks. She laughs. You know me better now!
NICE!
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:Turns out she's a conservative medical student and serious about only dating one person
Ummm...what makes you think she's conservative? Because she said she is? Don't listen to what women say about themselves...they're busy managing their image. Remember the Madonna/Whore dichotomy? She's on the way to a date and gives out her number to a random dude. WARNING! WHORE!
So, she tells you that she's conservative or whatever which feeds your ego by making you feel extra special and also makes her feel like she's framing herself as Madonna enough that you will respect her.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I have no cell signal
Why were you waiting somewhere with no signal? You should always wait somewhere convenient for you and you should always be prepared for girls to be late or to cancel because they do...FREQUENTLY.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I also find out a few days later that this girl is engaged haha
Lols. She told you or you saw it on her WeChat or something? Anyway, since you're leaving, it's perfect for her. All the evidence of infidelity will fly away and she doesn't have much time to party before it's time to get knocked up and pop out a baby.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:At this point I've been pushing pretty hard to get girls to meet me late at night, many have been unhappy to, a lot of them I learned actually because I was using the word date. Oops, bad word in China.
You shouldn't say date in any country. It makes it too formal and serious. You want it to be as casual as possible whereas saying it's a "date" puts a lot of expectations and it also means that the girl has to have romantic intentions towards you which she may no be comfortable acknowledging.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:Even though I meet her, she takes us to these two overpriced steak restaurants
This is why you shouldn't let girls pick. Ask in the group chat for day 2 ideas!
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:She's just always doing something frivolous, no wonder she is always too tired to meet late at night. She wants to stand up and do the waltz in the restaurant.
This is also called, HAVING FUN! And is a great quality in a girl who you have communication problems with.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:At the end of dinner she expects me to pay for the meal when she ordered 3/4 of it by price, disqualified her immediately for lack of showing effort and the implied frame of her using me.
This is NORMAL traditional female behavior. Why? If you can't afford it, then why should she want to date you? If you can't afford a steak dinner, how could you afford to take care of her and the kids, right?
The bigger problem is that you allowed yourself to be in this situation, in the first place. This is exactly why you should decide where to go and not leave it up to girls. She may not be "using" you. This might be totally normal for her and the guys she dates. Also, you need to remember that Asia does't have all this western hogwash about male/female equality, where men are men and women are men too.
If you're not happy with women playing a more traditional role, then you'll need to stick to westernized women...I would't recommend it though ?
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I get lucky that my alipay doesn't work so I pay half in cash and tell her she has to come get the rest from me.
Don't make it transactional, tell her that next time it will be on you. I know you're cheap, but don't appear cheap. It's very unattractive.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I push for her to come back to my place to watch a movie (that I didn't seed) and get her money.
This is pretty good. You should have led with this. "Sorry about that...I have more cash back at my place, so we can go back and get it." That's a pretty decent (though arguably dark) home bounce plan.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I decided that she's getting downgraded to direct home invites but she keeps telling me that I should tell her when I get back to Shanghai.
She's not attractive enough to take our for coffee? Most of the problems you had with this girl were of your own making. You should never take a girl to a place where you'd be unhappy about having to pay the full bill and you're not required to give her levels of compliance you don't want to.
The key is to give her compliance strategically, but never so much that you'll be angry or upset.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I tell her to meet at Jing'an and we can go to Cantonese or Hotpot, at this point I'm pretty over letting girls choose places because 1. they are usually overpriced for the quality and 2. BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED TO LEAD, I don't know how I let that slip so much.
I'm equally baffled...
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I also see some of the pictures she had on her wechat timeline on her phone while she's translating something, I tell her to send them to me, because it's only okay if she sends them, she questions but complies easily. My idea was to associate good feelings with her sending me pictures of herself, I think it helped.
It's also better to train girls to send you pics directly than to have to download them like some pervy stalker, lols.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:She has been complaining that "we don't act so close in China, and I shouldn't lead her around by the back" though she clearly appreciates it sometimes. I tell her that that's just what I'm used to. I should have mentioned the couples I see openly making out and holding hands.
Another way to handle this is to tell her that if she didn't look so good, you wouldn't want to touch her so it's her fault. Also, you could tell her that next time she shouldn't take a shower and wear dirty close and she won't have to worry about that happening anymore.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:We take a couple pictures with new filters(?) she's found and I snap a few because she has me hold the phone, and on the third one I squeeze her ass
I wouldn't do this with any girl I haven't already had sex with. Asian girls are EXTREMELY worried about their public image and when you regularly do things that embarrass them, they won't want to be around you. If you're going to do this sort of thing, you should do it in a semi-private place like a stairwell or elevator that only the two of you are in, for example.
They'll still be embarrassed, but when you show that you're aware of the social situation, they'll feel comfortable.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I text her that she has a nice butt by the way
Almost guaranteed to trigger ASD. What were you hoping to accomplish?
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:I should really not write up so much at once, it ends up being way too long and I worry I miss some important details regardless
Agreed. You should have written the HBSpasticDancerGirl and HB BathroomFriendGirl in separate posts, and save this just for approaches.
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:-I will try to push through fluff talk for more attraction, qualification, and comfort
YES!
On 10/26/2018 at 12:38 AM, Ditto said:-I need to focus on how to progress the sarge much faster and more smoothly, because an average of not even close to closing on the D4 is not where I want to be.
It seems that the issue is that you didn't plan a sexcalation location into your day 4 plan. Whenever you plan your meets, you should plan around getting them to the close location, whether that's THIS meet, or if you want to use a particular meet to make sure you'll be able to get them to the close location easily the next time.
Somehow, I missed this post...sorry about that!
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7 hours ago, Limonaid said:On 10/29/2018 at 8:09 PM, RedpoleQ said:
Did you tie in the qualification with how those traits are good for your life or the lack of those traits is bad?
Can you give me an example plz?
Me: is there any food you don't like?
Her: Ummm...I don't like lamb.
Me: Perfect! I dated a vegetarian before and it was awful...we couldn't go to any of the restaurants I liked and I couldn't share my favorite foods with her. Plus, we couldn't travel anywhere, because if we went to Thailand, for example, then I'd have no way to know what food she could eat and what she couldn't, but with you, it can be a food party every day! *high five*
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In the above example, I gave an example of how her not being a picky eater is good, and how if she were it would be bad. You don't need to do both, but it's obviously stronger if you do put in both.7 hours ago, Limonaid said:On 10/29/2018 at 8:09 PM, RedpoleQ said:If you said, "Yeah, I've been to a movie theater, but I heard about these DVD rooms and we don't have that so I really want to try that."
I will try it over text messages.
Don't do this over text! Better to try and arrange it when you meet her in person. If you demand more compliance, especially about something that might trigger ASD, you'll lower your chances of getting the meet.
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On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:
from the beginning I was kinoing her for example, touching her arms lightly, or touching her finger when she every time she showed me something on her mobile. She seemed well responsive.
Excellent!
On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:I prepared couple of conversation thread- finding her birthday and cold reading about it, how she takes care of her health(she really does), what her life goals are, how was her past relationships(no current relationship!!) etc.
Preparation is key! I'm sure you felt a lot more comfortable during the day 2 because of it.
On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:I qualified her on couple of things - her taking care of her health, she wants to be mentally strong and being expressive. She just said thanks every time I qualified her( may be my qualification was not good enough or it could be my expectation).
Did you tie in the qualification with how those traits are good for your life or the lack of those traits is bad?
On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:So I told how my mother's death affected my life. And then, she came up with how her father's death makes her wanting to be more strong.
Here is great deep comfort!
On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:At some point, she said we are like same because we have so many things in common.
Killing that comfort game, baby! NICE!
On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:So I figured out her class schedule and found that she is mostly free on the weekends.
Excellent! PIE is so important.
On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:Dinner ended, I paid the bill.( I will be glad to learn how to split the bill:p)
There are a few options.
1) tell her you'll get it this time and next time she can buy coffee or something
2) Say to her, "Do you have x amount?" which is like 1/3-1/2 of the bill.
On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:she asked if I have ever been in any cinema hall in china. I replied no by said " Cinema halls are very loud. I preffer to watch movie at home or at a quiter place." But she said Cinema halls are not loud and I should try it. So I said may be she can take me there. She said she is looking forward to do that.
Is it possible she means a private DVD room?
On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:Q: How can I convimce her to go to dvd room for watching movie since she preferred Cinema Halls are not louder ones?
If you said, "Yeah, I've been to a movie theater, but I heard about these DVD rooms and we don't have that so I really want to try that."
On 10/27/2018 at 3:57 AM, Limonaid said:3. Figured out some useful P.I. so that next time I can get her to meet
You should have tried to set the next meet as well.
Great FR and looking forward to your continued improvement!
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On 10/26/2018 at 12:47 AM, Ditto said:
I'm not an instant Don Juan DeMarco but the reflection really frees up my mind next time to ponder new things while I'm supposed to be paying attention to the girl.
PERFECT!
On 10/26/2018 at 12:47 AM, Ditto said:How do you get the quote within the quote by the way? Just copy paste from the last comment?
Yup, that's exactly how. Copy and paste from the time stamp of the quote you want to quote.
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Great first Day 2, man! Congrats!
I'm wondering why you ended the day 2 when you did and how long was it in total? Also, did you schedule the next meet yet, and if not why not?
It would be helpful if you mentioned exactly what threads you opened and how you engaged her, because HOW you do something is as important as WHAT you do. You can get on a stage and tell jokes, but if they're not good jokes, or if they are good jokes but delivered badly, they won't be funny.
DETAILS! DETAILS! DETAILS!
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Great review!
I've found that different books can have different impacts on us, even when it's the same information. For whatever reason the same message from a different source can have a much bigger impact.
I've been amazed at how many people found Ekhart Tolle to be transformational, but I've never been impressed with him at all.
Thanks for taking the time to write this up! Also, please link the video you watched here so others can check it out.
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On 10/20/2018 at 12:49 AM, Ditto said:On 10/18/2018 at 10:14 PM, RedpoleQ said:
Was it the full body hug or the lean in upper body only hug?
It was a full body hug, I think. It was standing straight up, she wasn't wrapping her legs around me or anything
Hahahaha!!! I wouldn't expect the leg wrap!
On 10/20/2018 at 12:49 AM, Ditto said:QuoteThis is some Asian thing. They don't have nearly as much of an issue with discussing bodily functions, like Westerners do. I don't think there's much you can do, but I'd be keen to hear other people's opinions.
Okay because my mother and grandma both do the same thing and I wasn't sure if it was an attempt to ruin her being sexy
Naw...it's just not considered to be a problem to talk about for Asians. When I was teaching English in Japan, my adult students would show up and I'd ask them how they're doing it they would frequently say that they were either constipated or had diarrhea! Even the young hotties!
On 10/20/2018 at 12:49 AM, Ditto said:QuoteInstead, you should do some call back humor to bring her back to the positive state of the day 2, and talk about what you'll do when you see her tomorrow...show don't tell.
AH, just like "you looked like you were having a lot of fun in the water fountain for kids" kind of thing right?
Right, exactly!
On 10/20/2018 at 12:49 AM, Ditto said:QuoteGreat FR, and keep them coming!
Thanks! And the feedback helps immensely I feel pretty dumb for not trying to do this sooner haha!
This is how people who learned PickUp have always learned. Go out (preferably with other guys who are both better and worse than you) >> write FRs >> repeat!
Works every time!
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20 hours ago, Ditto said:
Hug, easy because she went to school in Scotland.
Was it the full body hug or the lean in upper body only hug?
20 hours ago, Ditto said:She says you have to be careful of STD's, all I can reply with is yeah but you can prevent all but herpes with a condom.
Probably a better frame is to say something like, "Yeah, that's why I don't do one night stands. Too risky," or something like that. No point in talking about STDs, unless you can say that you just got checked and even then frequent checking just implies that you fuck a lot of girls randomly (otherwise you wouldn't need to get checked...)
20 hours ago, Ditto said:at one point she tells me this story about how she had ramen and had intense diarrhea for a week. I tell her she's not supposed to tell me that kind of stuff but she persists.
This is some Asian thing. They don't have nearly as much of an issue with discussing bodily functions, like Westerners do. I don't think there's much you can do, but I'd be keen to hear other people's opinions.
20 hours ago, Ditto said:Came back to the hostel and saw a girl who had an awesome looking rack in the bathroom washing her hands or something, so I went to wash my hands then decided fuck it and walked into the door of the girls bathroom to tell her I thought her scarf matched her look really well.
Respect!
20 hours ago, Ditto said:we walk over near her room and keep talking. I think she had to get something or wanted to show me (I REALLY should have tried to isolate here.) Soon 4 other guys were trying to join in and talk to the girl
You should have tried to bounce her somewhere for isolation...
20 hours ago, Ditto said:Bounced her to the supermarket to help me buy water and snacks after she had left to her room at one point when there were too many guys and we were all playing pool and darts.
Glad you jumped on this opportunity, but you probably should have tried to engineer it earlier. For all you know she WANTED to be alone with you.
20 hours ago, Ditto said:Sent her a message right after saying that I had a great time and want to see her again
Instead, you should do some call back humor to bring her back to the positive state of the day 2, and talk about what you'll do when you see her tomorrow...show don't tell.
20 hours ago, Ditto said:I ask the mom in chinese if I can have her daughter's wechat. She says nope. I laugh and say please. She's from Beijing. Okay then next time I'm in Beijing I'll find you. Haha okay. I walk off like a retard, I definitely could have kept trying.
What SPECIFICALLY will you do next time instead? One thing though, always suggest the mom and the daughter are friends or sisters. The mom's LOVE that.
Great FR, and keep them coming!
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20 hours ago, Ditto said:
What are chinese muslims usually like in the willingness to bang department? It's killing me because she has a nice body and seems to want to meet me, but I don't know how I should be playing it. Maybe I should just ask what her religion requires and know what I'm dealing with? Or spend the time and try to build comfort and possibly get shut down anyway while escalating.
Just try to close as normal. By bringing up religion, specifically you're possibly creating a problem where there isn't one. All objections will come out when you try to close. If you're concerned, you can roll out some of the sexual frames that we talked about in the Art and Science of Sex Seminar.
21 hours ago, Ditto said:At the restaurant I told her I had to meet my friends in 2 hours, should probably have said that over text because she looked kind of slighted, possibly misattribution.
Girls don't like it when you make other plans after them because it shows a low level of interest in them. Also, it's possible she wanted to get full closed and your time constraint meant that wasn't possible. On the other hand, it can be a DHV by showing that you're not THAT into them.
21 hours ago, Ditto said:my adventerousness qualifiers fell through.
What are these, exactly?
21 hours ago, Ditto said:Turns out she messaged me on wechat (in person before dinner ended) that she was meeting her friends and needed to get back to the hotel, but my phone had bad connection and I didn't check until after the D2.
I wonder why she texted you instead of just telling your directly...strange.
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Great report! Looking forward to following your progress and commenting when I think I have something to add.
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Great FR, man! You KILLED it on the boot camp. Thanks for winging me in that set, it was a lot of fun, and it was great seeing you in Chengdu! Looking forward to you doing a daily write up like @The Animal so we can really up your game!
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On 10/5/2018 at 10:54 PM, LuckyLuke said:
i approached a lot if random sets on the dancefloor just asking if they speak chinese. got some laughs but didnt pursue anything further.
If you were going to follow up, what would you follow up with?
On 10/5/2018 at 10:54 PM, LuckyLuke said:i approached 10-12 sets that night. so a lot more then i expected. main reason was danny constantly pushing to do stuff. thx for that.
The power of good wingmen!
On 10/6/2018 at 3:03 AM, ShinChoc said:things could have gone a lot smoother and been more efficient if you had a concrete plan that you could refer to throughout the night, ESPECIALLY during those tough times where you are feeling emotionally shook up and uncertain about what your next step should be.
YES!
Great post from @ShinChoc!! Everything he wrote is spot on. Listen to this man, he knows what he's talking about!
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Change is tough, but it's also exciting because you can set everything up the way you want without having to think about what you've already done in your past.
With approaching and dealing with AA, there are a lot of frames you could use to get over it, but the real problem is that you don't choose helpful thought patterns. You let your mind keep you in negative mind states that keep you from taking right action. So you need to find some mindsets that work and train your brain to focus on them.
I'd recommend reading "Unlimited Power" by Tony Robbins if you already read "The War of Art" and "Flinch" and neither of those worked for you.
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Great post and I'm glad you're thinking about this. I hope that some of the guys post their thoughts and experiences about this, because I think it's important to think about this stuff.
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NB: All my advice is for Asian girls
On 9/26/2018 at 2:06 PM, mouthpiece said:I pick her up from the venue and compliment her on a specific bit about her outfit (something along the lines oh “Damn, I knew your outfit was gonna be cool but not this cool”
You should say something about a specific piece of her outfit or makeup.
On 9/26/2018 at 2:06 PM, mouthpiece said:I’ll ask her if she knows about the place and ask her not to be weirded out and embarrass me
Only do this if she is a super confident girl who thinks that you would be really into her. If she doesn't think that, then this will just lower her self confidence and make it harder for her to open up to you. Some guys are very skilled at destroying the girls self-esteem and then setting it up so that sleeping with them is the only way for the women to redeem themselves.
If you're not skilled at that, then you should only use these kinds of negs one girls who will think their value is higher than yours or who think that you're super thirsty and don't have many other options.
On 9/26/2018 at 2:06 PM, mouthpiece said:Bounce to a rooftop for a cool view of the city *seed*
- I like to do this place because I have acess to it and it’s like a pre-pull thing. I like to make-out on the roof to confirm if it’s going down or not. If I nail it, great, if not then I just remain non-reactive and brush it off. All good, I’m still having fun and we can try this later.
How close is this rooftop to your place? I would only try for the k-close here if it's in the same building and you can basically close her there. Otherwise if it goes well and you get the k-close, you risk triggering ASD on the home bounce, and if it goes badly, you probably won't be able to bounce her to the sex location afterwards where you would be in a better position to move between comfort and sexcalation for the close.
On 9/26/2018 at 2:06 PM, mouthpiece said:Bounce to mine seeding ________________
- Here’s the bit I’m having trouble with what do I bounce home with (guitar? Cool paintings? More alcohol? (probably not) my psp (nah)?
Is there anything in your place that girls who are regulars like to play with or look at when they're over besides you and your penis? Use that. Probably playing them something on the guitar would be my go to if I were you, or showing them a video of your performing that is part of a hero story.
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You're general plan is good, but as @kanevast points out, it's too vague in terms of what threads you're going to be running which means that you may not set the frames you should be setting and you may set frame that work against you.Looking forward to your reply.
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20 hours ago, mouthpiece said:
The last time we met, we went to her rooftop and we made out a bit. I realize now, this might have been detrimental to my progress.
Yeah...usually making out without being able to close triggers ASD and it makes it a bit harder to progress things later. Though, if you do a meet where you don't try to close, then that can often be enough, if you run it well.
It seems pretty straight forward. You assumed the full-close would happen and that she was going to close. Because you assumed, you didn't control any of the variables that could get in the way (event/venue/social situation/isolation plan/etc) and you didn't prepare a plan for how to progress things towards the close including frames that you might need to set or any kind of progression plan from now to get her from point A to point B to point C to the closing location.
Without FRs from the previous meets it's hard to give any specific advice but I wonder why you weren't able to close her on the day 2 or day 3.
Good on you for writing this up, man! And I'm looking forward to working on upping your game so you can get better quality since that's what you seem to be ready for.
Keep at it!
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On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:
I hate to be that guy that talks about state. But I think there is something to it.
If you're in state, your sets will run better. However, if you develop your skills, even when you're not in state, your sets will still run well enough to get results. That's thing you should get away from is RELYING on state. Understand that when it's better, you'll do better, but don't sit around waiting for it.
Read the book, The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield. It's a short book, but what he says in it about being a professional vs an amateur is exactly what I'm talking about here.
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:Ace: “Wow, your English is good! You get an A plus today.” She laugh a little.
Ace: “What are you doing here?”
HbyogaNerd: “I'm taking Yoga.”
Ace: “Yoga!...Cool.” High fived her.
I asked her about Yoga and if she travelled abroad because her English was pretty good. She said never travelled to a Western country and I said she must study a lot. LOL!
Were you clear that she had already finished her class or did you think she was going to go? If you didn't know, you should have found out so you could get time constraints.
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:She said she had to go because she wanted to eat lunch. I said ok. Goodbye.
You could have tried to have lunch with her.
Her: I have to go eat lunch.
You: Oh, nice! Are you meeting some friends for lunch?
Her: No
You: Really? Where are you going to eat? Maybe I could come too.
*now, depending on what she says, you'll have a good idea about if she's keen for you to join her or not.On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:What I did well:
I had a few mini BT spikes.
I bounced her.
I left the interaction on a good note.
All good!
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:Ace: “Have you been to Beijing?” (I used to live in Beijing)
Hbbookish: yes.
Ace: Which ido you like better Beijing duck or Shanghai duck?
Hbbookish: Beijing Duck.
Ace: your wrong Shanghai is better. LOL.
Mini BT spike.
I went for the Wechat and made a joke but it didn't fly.
Why did you go for the WeChat at this point in the set?
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:Hbbookish: Whay do you wantmy weChat.
Ace: So I can message you 20 times at 4:00AM
Lols!
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:Eye contact. I tend to look away a lot. Or I start to stare at her tits or something like that.
Great you noticed this...and I definitely know this feeling of noticing myself staring at a girls tits.
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:Kino: Didn't really Kino. Should I? I don't want to look to obvious at the bookstore.
Start with basics like high fives, hand shakes, fist bumps, etc.
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:Went to Starbucks. Saw a hottie and didn't opened chumped out.
Happens to all of us sometimes.
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:**Opened a real hottie at the subway plat form. But she spoke zero English. So I walked away.
Then on the subway she re-approached me. Somebody kill me for no being able to speak Chinese.
?
When you run into this kind of situation where the girl is really keen, talk to her like an English teacher:
What. Is. Your. Name?Do. You. Like. Apples?
etc.
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:I was trying on a jacket.
I asked her what do you think of this Jacket.
She said it looks good.
Ace: “I had a jacket just like it in Tokyo a few years ago...”
HbMilfglasses: You lived in Tokyo?
Ace: Yeah.
HbMilfglasses: Cool!
I couldn't figure out if she was with a B-friend or what? So I kept talking.
Great open!
You should have just asked her! Who are you here shopping with?
On 9/17/2018 at 7:16 PM, wicked_morning said:I asked her if she ever went to Beijing. She said no. I said good don't go it sucks! LOL!
I got her We chat and left. But I never got a message back from her. So not a good sign. Which is to bad because I kind of liked her.
Seems like you're running your sets for only like 5min, so it's no wonder they're not responsive. You should really try to run your sets for like 15-20min ideally. Also, you need to add the other parts of the sarge into your sets. So far, you're just doing BT Spikes and DHVs and then asking for the WeChat and not doing any qualification, comfort, seeding or trying to set time-bridges.
If you start doing those things you'll get a higher response rate.
Great to see you getting out there and I hope you keep posting your approaches and getting feedback so you can level up!
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On 8/26/2018 at 12:15 AM, tj312 said:
I practiced some situational openers as RedPoleQ advised me that these were not a good idea and I wanted to see first-hand how they play out. He was right. I opened a one-set who said she was waiting for her friend. I opened and there was some fluff talk with BT spikes and trying to establish comfort, but she kept going back to my opener ("Where is a good restaurant around here?").
Actually, this is a directions opener which is a type of very indirect opener. Situational openers can be great!
On 8/26/2018 at 12:15 AM, tj312 said:We went to Starbucks and I did not pay (I was confused if I should or not -- I learned that I should have).
This is a complicated question, involving a lot of factors, but in general, it will be smoother if you do pay and you definitely avoid potentially being labeled as cheap if you pay, but it also may not matter. I consider it to be a risk not worth taking given the price point you're dealing with here.
On 8/26/2018 at 12:15 AM, tj312 said:My last set was a gorgeous blonde that walked by. While she didn't stop walking, she took out her earbuds to talk to me. Eventually she stopped so that we could exchange Instagram handles. I was satisfied.
Just to be clear to those reading who weren't there, this was a blonde haired JAPANESE girl. Love those!
On 8/26/2018 at 12:15 AM, tj312 said:This Bootcamp was an amazing experience, and one that opened my eyes to a new world. I haven't been approaching as much as I should after the camp, but I have been approaching more than I was before. I was letting pretty girls go by without saying anything and wondering "what if." Now, even if I get blown out a lot, I'm at least killing that "what if" feeling. I plan to continue to practice and learn and incorporate gaming into my daily routine. I will continue to open sets on the train, when waiting on a friend, etc.
Awesome write up and I'm glad you got so much out of the boot camp! It was great having you there and following you in the chats as well. Good work and keep at it!
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On 8/21/2018 at 5:16 PM, ladysman6969 said:
wants to see me again and thinks ill forget about her the next day.
This is why we set the next meet BEFORE we go for the close. If you're already scheduled to meet her again then you can point that out.
On 8/21/2018 at 5:16 PM, ladysman6969 said:2) didn’t give validation
Why is this a good thing?
On 8/21/2018 at 5:16 PM, ladysman6969 said:3) breaking rapport and taking a shower
What would have been the purpose of breaking rapport. She basically said that she wanted to have sex with you but you needed to isolate her away from the friend and that she needed to know that it wouldn't be a one night stand. Both of those could have been pretty easily handled, it sounds like.
Good to see you writing an FR! Keep them coming!
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On 8/14/2018 at 1:43 PM, ladysman6969 said:
I paid for those although she insisted that she wants to so I rewarded her for that behaviour by saying that she has good manners as i was paying
It's always good here to tell her they can pay for something next time or they can get the next round. Future projection and seeding, ftw!
On 8/14/2018 at 1:43 PM, ladysman6969 said:I asked her about regrets and told her that i regret not taking more chances and living freely.
Great SNL seed, here.
On 8/14/2018 at 1:43 PM, ladysman6969 said:I made sure to just make out first and also break some tension by sitting her down, making her get on the bed, and kissing her all over; not so eager for sex and getting her warmed up.
The make-out part isn't so important and can actually sink the lay, but the rest of this is spot on! Not rushing towards penetration and the pussy in general really helps reduce LMR. Nicely done.
On 8/14/2018 at 1:43 PM, ladysman6969 said:I let her know that she can spend the night but I have to wake up early in the morning to see a friend but she is free to sleep in and leave whenever she wants.
This is not a good habit to get girls into. When you have multiple girls, it will be hard to get rid of them if they're used to doing this. Plus, they have ample time to snoop around or leave things lying about that can get you into trouble.
On 8/14/2018 at 1:43 PM, ladysman6969 said:1) future projection for things we can do together and specific locations 2) qualification as in why I like specifically her and why I value her
Spot on!
On 8/14/2018 at 1:43 PM, ladysman6969 said:4) make her go directly to my room she didn’t have to interact with anyone in the house
Moving is an even better option! ?
On 8/14/2018 at 1:43 PM, ladysman6969 said:Things I could have done better
This should be, "Things I WILL do better."
On 8/14/2018 at 1:43 PM, ladysman6969 said:things that went well
And this one should be, "Things I did well." Don't focus on what happened focus on what you have control over, your actions. You can act right and lose and you can act incorrectly and win, but in the long run, you'll win more through correct action so focus on that.
On 8/14/2018 at 1:43 PM, ladysman6969 said:1) smooth leading and strong frame throughout 2) found out logistics early on in the interaction 3) rewarded good behaviour 4) let her know that I’d like to see her again without any bf frames
Excellent!
On 8/14/2018 at 1:56 PM, McConnell said:IF you did want to see her again or keep her as a regular, it could have been a good idea to suggest a second date, do some future projection or just spend more time with her in general before pushing for a close.
Yeah, setting the next meet BEFORE the sexcalation is always advised if you want to keep the girl around. It also tends to reduce LMR.
I'm glad to see you writing on here, and in the future I hope to see a lot more FRs from you as they are far more valuable. You can learn a lot more from your failures than your successes.
Good work and keep at it!
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10 hours ago, The Animal said:
Funny your should ask. You can follow my further antics on The Animal's Winter Weather Hustle.
i should write down all this good advice so I don't forget it.
Champion!
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Sean Shanghai Boot camp
in Bootcamp Field Reports
Posted
Great write-up!
The few things I want to point out.
Getting into state shouldn't be a goal. It should be a by-product of good execution. There's no value in feeling great about your set when you're doing everything wrong. This is assuming your goal is to get tangible results and not to just "feel good" talking to women.
This is the most important hurdle to overcome. And you need to understand that as you get better, and the skills and habits Kane was trying to instill in you during the boot camp become normal for you through practice, it's only natural that you'll hit flow state more and more frequently because it's when you preparation and skill align with the situation.
Unfortunately, until you get a lot of reference experience, every approach is novel so it's hard to hit the right kind of flow state which is why it shouldn't be a goal.